June 1994 Comic Strips - Page 2

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #behead, #corporate head hunter, #employee, #new employees, #staffing problem, #you'd be flexible, #go postal, #post office employee

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"We've never needed a corporate headhunter before, but now it's the only way to solve our staffing problem." "Are you aware that headhunters find new employees? We don't behead the ones you already have." "I don't suppose you'd be flexible..." "I could find a disgruntled ex-post office employee for you."

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new cucbicle, #self suffcient, #work space, #life suport, #various tubes, #watch to body, #vital signs, #monitor, #central location, #human resources dept, #emergency hiring

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"Here's your new cubicle: the Cuborg 2000." "It's a self-sufficient workspace and life support system." "These tubes attach to various parts of your body so you never have to leave." "Various parts?" "Let's just say you don't want to get these two tubes mixed up." "We'll monitor your vital signs from a central location." "The company nurse?" "No; the human resources department, in case we have to do some emergency hiring." "Is it upgradeable?" "Yeah, the Cuborg 3000 is expected to have air holes."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no ring, #dilbert asks liz, #date, #pizza date, #after game, #big ring, #eunuchs, #special van, #flop sweat, #kidding, #joke, #gullible, #likes gullible

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"Liz, I noticed you're not wearing a ring. Would you like to go for a pizza after the game?" "Oh, I do have a ring. It's so big I can't wear it. A team of eunuchs follows me around with it in a special van." "Flop-sweat time." "You're gullible. I like that."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ball, #bonk, #Dilbert, #head bounce, #make goal, #soccer game, #strike, #uses head bonk

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BONK Dilbert: Gee, Ive scored five goals that way. Liz: you've got a good head for this game.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bank off head, #coach, #field, #game, #glasses, #goal, #soccer, #strike, #team players, #Sports

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Player man: dilbert, you'll be playing the left striker position. Player man: one of our good players will try to strike tony in th head with the ball and bank it in the goal, LIZ: "It" being the ball not your head. Dilbert: Id better take off y glasses. LIZ: No, don't, I included their dampening effect in my calculations.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #city soccer league, #never played, #natural instinct, #ball trajectory, #team play, #ruin concentration

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"I joined the city soccer league." "I've never played, but as an engineer I have a natural instinct for ball trajectory and passing angles." "Where does the team play?" "Coach doesn't want to ruin my concentration by telling me."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad schdeuling, #careless, #company cares, #last tuesday, #long hours, #missed out, #stress on workers, #stress redcution expert, #stressful, #talk at lunch, #too late

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"The company cares deeply about the effects of long hours and stress on workers." "So they're paying nearly $200 to have an expert on stress-reduction give a talk during lunch." "Just when you think they don't care, something like this comes along." "It's scheduled for lst Tuesday."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #emergency assignment, #critical, #moot, #crisis, #moots

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"EMERGENCY ASSIGNMENT!! URGENT! URGENT!" "It's only critical because everything sits on your desk until it either becomes moot or a crisis." "From now on, I'm giving him the moots." "Aging" "Crises" "Moot"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #aa meeting, #ratbert, #fear of computers, #technophobe, #wrong meeting, #alcoholics anonymous, #interupt, #elaborate excuses, #avoid computers, #web of deception

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Ratbert: My name is Ratbert. I fear the information superhighway. Like most of you, my problem started because I never learned to type. I thought only secretaries needed to type. Then the computers came. At first I dismissed them as mere toys for men with no social skills. Soon they were everywhere. I would invent elaborate excuses to avoid computers. I was caught in my own web of deception. MAN: This is "alcoholics anonymous" Ratbert: I didn't interrupt you. Man: Can we talk about me now?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #smart like you, #rat, #garbageman, #special gift, #creativity, #talent, #ability to love

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Ratbert: I wish I were smart like you. Then Id get some respect. GarbageMAN: We're all smart in different ways, Your special gift may be creativity, a talent , or even the ability to love. Ratbert: I can burp my cheeks full ...urp. Garbage Man: Id go with that If I were you.