June 2018 Comic Strips - Page 2
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Character
Wednesday June 20,
2018
We Need To Talk
Tags contradiction, argument, disagreement
Transcript
Boss: The software upgrade will be ready by Friday. Dilbert: Actually, that's when we will start writing it. Boss: And it will save us twenty million dollars. Dilbert: Actually, it will cost a million dollars and save nothing. Boss: We need to talk. Dilbert: We do? I'm not feeling that.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday June 19,
2018
Negotiating Expert
Tags consultant, negotiation, training, irony, obliviousness, business
Transcript
Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to negotiate. Normally, he charges triple the market rate, but I talked him down to double. Wally: Where is he? Boss: He said he's teaching us what happens when there's no performance clause in a contract.
Monday June 18,
2018
Dogbert Will Start Monday Or Tuesday
Tags negotiation, irony, appointment, deadline, consultant, training, business
Transcript
Narrator: Dogbert The Negotiation Trainer. Boss: We'll see you on Monday for our first lesson. Dogbert: Sure. I'll see you on Monday or Tuesday. Possibly Wednesday. Boss: We paid you to start on Monday. Dogbert: Think how much you'll learn when I don't show up.
Sunday June 17,
2018
Tags criticism, jargon, misunderstanding, genius, obliviousness
Transcript
Boss: Your slide deck is okay-ish. But can you make it more aspirational? Dilbert: It's just a software upgrade. Boss: Yes, yes. But I want the audience to feel it. Dilbert: They can feel the handouts. Boss: It's like you're not even trying to understand! Genius is often misunderstood. Dilbert: Do you know what else is misunderstood? Boss: Super-genius?
Saturday June 16,
2018
Reincarnation Advice
Tags Advice, motivation, reincarnation, death, fussiness, medical
Transcript
Narrator: Dogbert's Life Advice. Dogbert: I've reviewed your file. Your best bet is to live an unhealthy lifestyle, die young, and hope reincarnation is real. Man: Is it real? Dogbert: All I know for sure is that dead people are less fuss than you.
Friday June 15,
2018
Dogbert Sells Life Advice
Tags Advice, motivation, meaning, existentialism
Transcript
Asok: How do I find meaning in my life? Dogbert: Nothing has meaning. The best you can do is postpone your own lonely and painful death. Asok: Are you saying I should take care of my health? Dogbert: What answer gets me the best review on Yelp?!
Thursday June 14,
2018
Dilbert Speaks Truth To Power
Wednesday June 13,
2018
Hard Work Is The Key To Success
Tags Advice, manager, self-interest, motivation
Transcript
Asok: What is the key to success? Boss: Hard work! Asok: Is it a coincidence that your advice for me corresponds to your self-interest? Boss: My other advice is never question authority.
Tuesday June 12,
2018
Asking Successful People For Advice
Tags success, Advice, ambition
Transcript
Asok: Every time I ask a successful person for career advice, I get a different answer. Carol: My plan for success is to lull my boss into a fatal accident and take over his identity. Asok: I'm not asking unsuccessful people for advice. Carol: Is that how you talk to your future boss?
Monday June 11,
2018
Wally Teaches Success
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