June 2018 Comic Strips

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No Path To Victory

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No Path To Victory - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags catch-22, laziness, request

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Woman: Do you have a minute? Wally: Can I get back to you? Woman: If I say yes, I will never hear from you. But if I say no, I'll look like a pushy jerk. I don't see a path to victory here. Wally: Have you tried lowering your expectations?

Might Reorganize

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Might Reorganize - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags responsibility, work ethic, reorganization, merger, laziness

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Wally: Are you still considering a reorganization of the department? Boss: Maybe. Wally: Oh, good. I was worried I might be held accountable for my lack of accomplishments. Boss: I might be playing this wrong. Wally: Hey, everyone! We're free!

Ted Cross Trains

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Ted Cross Trains - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cross-training, fired, firing, unemployment

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Boss: Ted, I need you to train the new hire how to do your job. Ted: Are you firing me? Boss: No, no. Just standard cross-training. Ted: Okay, I was worried for a second there. Boss: And start tidying up your cubicle.

Ai For Productivity

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Ai For Productivity - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meetings, meeting, productivity, obliviousness, business

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Boss: We started using A.I. to identify when employees are unproductive. Device: Ping ping ping ping ping ping. Boss: Looks like this meeting is setting off some alarms.

Deleting Wrong Pages

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Deleting Wrong Pages - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags edit, editing, criticism

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Dilbert: I reviewed your draft and deleted the stuff that was wrong. Boss: These pages are blank. Dilbert: You asked me to be thorough.

Feedback From Twitter Guy

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Feedback From Twitter Guy  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags feedback, criticism, social media, twitter, tweet, troll, technology

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Dilbert: Do you have any feedback on my idea? Man: Yes. You're weak and stupid, and everyone you love will end up in jail. Dilbert: Do you spend a lot of time on Twitter? Man: Is that a lucky guess or are you spying on me?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags distraction, procrastination, work ethic, excuses, productivity

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Dilbert: I have one hour to get some work done before my meeting. But I can't concentrate when i"m hungry, so I need a shack. This snack is making me thirsty. The label on this shirt is bugging me. I need to cut it off. Q quick trip to the restroom and then I can get down to work. Ugh. I have fifteen messages since I left my desk. Now it's too close to my meeting to start a new task. Dogbert: How's work? Dilbert: How would I know?

How Dare You

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How Dare You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags offended, offense, accusation, strategy

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Wally: My new defense against every accusation is to be offended by the question. Dilbert: That works? Wally: Depends how hard I sell it. Woman: Why haven't you returned any of my emails? Wally: How dare you!

Wally's Best Play

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Wally's Best Play - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags excuses, laziness, work ethic, deadline

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Wally: There are many, many reasons why my project is late and over budget. Boss: Do any of those reasons not involve your incompetence and sloth? Wally: I think my best play here is to be offended by the question.

Lying To Weasels

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Lying To Weasels - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sayings, Advice, honesty, truthfulness

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Dilbert: I keep speaking truth to power, but it isn't working for me. Wally: Try lying to weasels. It doesn't look as good on a bumper sticker but it gets the job done. Dilbert: That sounds like a terrible idea. Wally: Then why are you doing it right now?