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Alice: The motivational speaker you hired was great!!! We all decided to quit out jobs and become motivational speakers. Boss: He was supposed to make you work harder here. Alice: You wanted him to motivate us to be dumb?
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Asok: I finished my project! Dilbert: Shhhh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Only one of two things can come of it. Either you'll get more work or you'll get fired for not having enough work. Asok: Then how does anyone ever finish a project around here? Wally: We don't. We manipulate our boss into adding features so our projects are never complete. Asok: Is that hard to do? Dilbert: Not as hard as you might hope. Asok: How do you like the prototype so far? Boss: It needs a red button and some cooling fins.
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Dilbert: I told our boss his presentation had a low signal-to-noise ratio and he thought it was a compliment. Wally: I think you just invented my new favorite game. Working for you is like boiling an ocean. Boss: Thank you!
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Boss: Decentralization will change everything. Dilbert: Such as? Boss: Well... for example, um... the bitcoin and the Ethereum. Alice: Did you recently read an article? Boss: Some of it.
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Doctor: You've got a bad case of smartphone syndrome. One of hundred percent of your mental and physical problems are caused by using your phone too much. I don't feel as if I'm getting through to you. Alice texting: She's still talking. LOL.
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Wally: In my right hand is a standard drone. In my left hand is a drone using the cloaking technology I invented. Voices: Ooh! Wow! Wally: I'll demonstrate it flying as soon as I finish the noise cancellation. CEO: Employee of the year!
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Boss: Wally, I need you to write up your job description for me. Wally: Is that because you're planning to hire someone to replace me? Boss: I need it by tomorrow. Wally: Job description: leverage platform technologies to maximize software architecture optimization via nanotubes. Here you go. Boss: Can you start on Monday? Man: I changed my mind.