July 2007 Comic Strips - Page 1

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #benchmarks, #global warming, #normally, #pleasent week, #polluter, #problem, #solution, #too hot to work, #work indoors

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Wally, did you complete the benchmark tests?" wally: "No." slurp The Boss: "Because?" Wally: "Global warming." The Boss: "What?" Wally: "Well, normally this would have been a pleasant week." "But thanks to you and your stupid SUV, it was too hot to work." "Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem." The Boss: "You work indoors!" Wally: "Said the polluter."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #strategic asset, #market share, #fire yourself, #accountabilty

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Human resources is a company's most important strategic asset. "That means it's your fault we're losing market share. Maybe you should fire yourself." "Strategic assets don't like accountability."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #compensation, #different classes, #segment, #paid, #relatively unimportant segment

View Transcript

Transcript

CatBert: I decided to segment the compensation of different classes of employees. "You'll be in the segment that gets paid the same no matter what you do." "I call your segment the 'relatively unimportant' segment." Tina: "Catchy."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #barbecue, #freinds, #no freinds, #make freinds, #jogger, #desparte, #meat, #social skills, #no social skills, #random, #Advice

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Maybe I should invite some friends over for a barbecue. Dogbert: "You don't have any friends." Dilbert: "Good point. Maybe I should make some friends first." Dogbert: "Exactly." Dogbert:"Do you like meat?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executive golf tournamnet, #cigar smokers, #foursome, #golf cart, #gas leak, #baked lunch, #beans, #flint

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: "I finished planning the annual executive golf tournament." "I put all of the cigar smokers in your foursome in case your golf cart has a gas leak." "Lunch is baked beans and sauerkraut, and I bought you some golf balls made of flint."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #golf tournament, #contrast, #strikes you, #contrast in jobs, #secretary and boss

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I'm off to the executive golf tournament. "It just struck me how much contrast there is between your job and mine. Gotta go." Carol: "Let me know if anything else strikes you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sand wedge, #sandwhich, #golfing, #caddy, #losing adavantage, #eating quickly, #angry intern, #hungry

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Give me a sand wedge. Asok: "This sandwich is all I have for lunch. You can take my pride but not my sandwich!" The boss: "I think I'm losing the psychological advantage with my foursome." mmmph chew-chew-chew! hee-hee!!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management consulatant, #consulting firm, #worthless, #managing, #consulting, #hired

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: "You should hire me as your management consultant." Man: "We're a management consulting firm. We don't need a management consultant to consult us." Dogbert: "Are you saying that management consulting is worthless?" Man: "No, I'm saying we already know everything about management consulting." Dogbert: "How can you be so sure I can't help you when you don't know what my advice will be?" Man: "Okay, you're hired. What's your advice?" Dogbert: "Beats me. I'll have to ask my management consultant."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fired, #job eliminated, #outsourced, #comapny, #need job, #hired, #comes back, #old job

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Ted, I'm going to eliminate your function and outsource it to the Dogbert Outsourcing Company." Ted: "I need a job." Dogbert: "You're hired." Ted: "I'M BA-A-ACK!"