July 2001 Comic Strips - Page 2

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rumor of layoffs, nope, friday, monday, day off, boss

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Ted approaches the Boss' desk and asks, "I heard a rumor that there might be layoffs on Friday. Is it true?" The Boss shakes his head and signals with his arms. He says, "Absolutely not. No way. Nope. Negatory. No, no, no, no, no." Ted says, "Great. Can I take off Friday?" The Boss looks away guiltily and says, "Monday would be better."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags layoff planning, fire people, creeps, excessive nose haor, called doctor, five minute meeting

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Caption reads: "Layoff Planning." Catbert sits with the Boss at a table. The Boss says, "Let's fire all the people who give us the creeps..." "...All the people with excessive nose hair and anyone who insists on being called 'doctor.'" Carol enters into the cubicle of a man with long nose hair and bug eyes. She says, "You've got a five-minute meeting on Friday, Dr. Wolfington."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags life no purpose, scratch back, service to others, feel useful, found something, works

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Dilbert and Dogbert are sitting by the bank of a river. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "My life has no purpose." Dogbert responds, "Scratch my back." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Are you saying the purpose of life is service to others?" Dogbert says "Okay." Dilberts says to Dogbert, "It does make me feel useful." Dogbert responds "I think we both found something that works."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lives are pathetic, eat, work, sleep, finished lunch, health

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Dilbert and Wally are at the coffee machine. Dilbert says to Wally, "Our lives are pathetic. We do nothing but eat, work, and sleep." Dilbert continues, "Eat, work, sleep...eat, work, sleep...eat, work, sleep." Wally responds, "Great - I just finished lunch and you're making me hungry!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags speakerphone, annoy coworkers, sociopth, bit loud, eating lunch, delicious

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Ron is sitting at his desk. He thinks to himself, "If I use the speakerphone it will annoy my co-workers." He continues thinking, "Luckily for me, I'm a sociopath." Dilbert approaches from behind and says, "Two things: you're a bit loud... and you're eating my lunch." Ron responds, "It's delicious."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dinner, socially defective brain, voicemail, speakerphone

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Ron is sitting at his desk, using speakerphone to listen to his messages. The voice mail service is heard aloud, "Press one to hear." Alice approaches from behind and asks, "Why are you using your speakerphone for voice-mail?" She continues, annoyed, "I mean, seriously, what is going through that socially defective brain of yours?" Ron responds, "Would you like to have dinner?" To which Alice's answer is, "Yeah, why not."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the sociopth, typing is optional, eaten before, some bread

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Headline: The Sociopath. Ron and Alice are sitting across from each other at restaurant table. Ted says, "Tipping is optional so I never do it." Alice looks surprised. She asks, "Um.. have you eaten here before?" A waitress approaches the table and angrily throws bread at Ron, hitting him on the head. She grunts, "Here's some bread." Alice looks on nervously.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags total sociopath, rifle through purse, call me, ring once, robbed, date, hug, robbery

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Alice and Ron are saying their goodbyes next to Ron's car. They're headed towards an embrace. Alice says, "You're a total sociopath, Ron. I like that in a man." As they're hugging, Ron's hand is in Alice's purse. She cries, "Oh yes, rifle through my purse! Yes! Yes! Yes!" Ron heads back to his car. Alice calls after him, "Call me?" Ron responds while counting the money he's just stolen from her, "Sure. But you'd better wait by the phone; I only ring once."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags growing into job, accelerated evolution, progarm, million years, two day classes, lose fire, opposable thimbs

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The Boss sits at his desk with his hands crossed. He says, "Monty. You're not growing into your job as quickly as I hoped." Monty, a monkey in a suit, stands opposite from The Boss, looking grim. The Boss' voice continues, "So I signed you up for an accelerated evolution program. They pack a million years into a two-day class." Dogbert stands in front of a blackboard atop a stool and yells to Monty and the monkey behind him as they enter the classroom. He says authoritatively, "Hurry up! We've already lost the opposable thumbs module; let's not lose fire too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evolution training, make it thourgh, banana, peel, gorillas, neanderthal, monkeys, jungle naimals

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Headline: Evolution Training. Dogbert stands atop a stool in front of students with a pointer in his hand. He says, "Some of you will not make it through the class." A banana who happens to be seated next to a gorilla raises its hand and asks, "May I move to a different seat?" The rest of the class looks on. Dogbert responds, "Sure... Oops. Problem solved. Carl, don't leave that where someone will slip on it."