July 2005 Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wake up call, ^am, bellmen, head of bed, blind maids, pants, manager, five star hotel

View Transcript

Transcript

Five-Star Hotel The Boss: "I'd like a wake-up call at 6 a.m. and a second one at 6:15." "Then I'd like a team of bellmen to lift the head of the bed while blind maids hold my pants so I can slide into them." "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I AM a manager."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags schedule message, breakfast, breakfast guy

View Transcript

Transcript

Five-Star Hotel "I'd like to order breakfast and schedule a massage." "Mmm...a nice massage and then breakfast." "Well, I WOULD 'get rubbin,' but I'm only the breakfast guy."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hotel check out, movies rented, porn, burn furniture

View Transcript

Transcript

I hope you enjoyed your stay. I'll just check to see what movies you rented. GAA!!! GAAA!!!! GAA!!!! GAAA!!! GAAA!!!! and i recommend that we burn the furniture.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cure for cold, side effects, coughing, store throat, runny nose, congestion, nausea

View Transcript

Transcript

"I invented a cure for the common cold." "The possible side-effects are coughing, sore throat, runny nose, congestion and nausea." "So...it's a pill that makes you nauseous?" "Only if you have a cold."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cell phone network, illegal compnent, bribe, nuclear weapon, add flavor

View Transcript

Transcript

"Your bid to build our cell phone network is the lowest by far." "But I'd feel more comfortable if it had an illegal component." "Like a bribe? Or helping you build a nuclear weapon?" "Yes, just something to add flavor."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags elbonians, demanding bribes, overpaid consultants, legal, won't get caught

View Transcript

Transcript

"The Elbonians are demanding bribes, or else they won't do business with us." "Hire them as overpaid consultants and don't ask them for anything. That way, it's all legal." "And by legal you mean won't get caught?" "Po-tay-to, po-tah-to."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags must bride, elbonians, nuclear weapon, microwave instead, persian rugs

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The Elbonians won't do business with my company unless we bribe them. Dogbert: offer to give them plans for building a nuclear weapon, Then give them plans to build microwave ovens instead. Dilbert: would that work? Dogbert: why do you think our garage is full of persona rugs?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags elbonia bid, nuclear war head, plans, internet, few things modified, ginat toaster, enriched bread, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

"We won the Elbonia bid, but I had to promise we'd give them plans to build a nuclear warhead." "Don't worry. I got the plans off the Internet and I modified a few things." "Now all we need is some highly enriched bread."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags minor success, chance corporate ruination

View Transcript

Transcript

The project has a 70% chance of minor success and a 30% chance of corporate ruination. The Boss: I like those odds. when can we start. Dilbert: Start? I wish we had ten more projects like this one.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags calculate expected value, pretend to be dead, cover ears

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The best way to make this decision is by calculating the expected value of each possible outcome. you multiply the... The Boss: Must pretend to be dead. Dilbert: I sense that were done here. The Boss: I hope the dead sometimes cover their ears.