July 2019 Comic Strips - Page 2

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Below Average

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Below Average - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, engineering, jobs, math, sarcasm, review

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Boss: Your job performance is below average. Dilbert: How did you calculate an average for a job that no one else has ever performed? Boss: Math?

Ai That Creates Comics

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Ai That Creates Comics - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Comic Strip, inventions, sarcasm, technology, creativity

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Dilbert: I invented an A.I. that can create comic strips. Boss: Pffft! That's impossible. No machine will ever match the creative genius of human cartoonists. Dilbert: This one is about a guy who thinks his boss is dumb. Boss: No one wants to read that.

Boss Surgery

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Boss Surgery - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, brain, employees, insults, surgery

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Asok: There's a new surgery that can turn employees into bosses. Boss: How can surgery turn an employee into a boss? Dr: You won't be needing this.

Unforseen Risks

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Unforseen Risks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags blame, boss, office, office workers, sarcasm, risks

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Boss: How can you be sure there are no unforeseen risks with this plan? Dilbert: It is not possible to know if one has considered every risk. Therefore, we can never be sure. Boss: So...I can still blame you for any problems that pop up? Dilbert: Yes, that part of the process is still intact.

Read It With My Own Eyes

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Read It With My Own Eyes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags argument, communication, email, frustrated, office, office workers, plans

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Man: I disagree with your email saying the plan won't work. Dilbert: My email said exactly the opposite. I said the plan will definitely work. Man: No, I read it with my own eyes. Dilbert: I'm the one who wrote it!!!

Bad Hair Day

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Bad Hair Day - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags angry, boss, employees, employment, hair, hairstyles, meetings, threat, warning

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Boss: Alice, why aren't you at this meeting? Alice: I'm having a bad hair day. Boss: That's no reason to miss a meeting! Alice: You don't understand. It's really, really bad. Boss: Come to the meeting right now, or you're fired! Gurk! Dilbert: That's bad hair. Alice: Can't say I didn't warn him.

More People Working At Home

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More People Working At Home - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, employees, office, office workers

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Boss: The office is too quiet today. Carol: That's because more people are working from home. Boss: How can I do my job if I can't pop into people's cubicles and share my wisdom? Second question: why is everything running so smoothly lately?

Phone Is More Interesting

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Phone Is More Interesting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cell phone, criticism, date, dinner, Entertainment, men and women, texting, smartphone

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Tina: I just realized I enjoy using my phone more than I enjoy interacting with you. I mean, this thing is amazing, whereas you haven't found a way to entertain me all night. Dilbert: Maybe I'll grow on you. Tina: "Now he sounds like a tumor. LOl!"

Asok Lives In The Office

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Asok Lives In The Office - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, cost, criticism, house, office, office workers, expectations

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Boss: All of you should be more like Asok. He is in the office before I arrive and still here when I go home. Asok: That is because housing costs are so high that I live here in the office and sleep in a bathroom stall. Boss: That still leaves a lot of stalls for the rest of you.

Housing Costs

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Housing Costs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cost, discussion, homeless persons, house

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Asok: Housing costs are so high that I had to move into a restroom stall. Man: I live in the park under a pile of wet cardboard. Asok: Have you tried a stall? Man: No, I'm too outdoorsy for that.