July 1997 Comic Strips - Page 3

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, evil hr director, abuse people, reduce turnover, job titles, convicted felon

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Catbert, the Evil H.R. Director, sits at his desk. He thinks, "I can't abuse people if they quit the company. I'd better find a way to reduce turnover." Catbert types into his PC, "All job titles will be changed as follows..." Wally stares at his computer screen and says, "My new title is... "Convicted Felon." Dilbert says, "That's look good on the ol' resume."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags demeaning insulting, director, human resources, learned helplessness, managerial influence, new job title, new card, business

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Dilbert waves his arms angrily and says, 'Our new job titles from human resources are demeaing and insulting!" Dilbert stands in front of the Boss' desk and says, "You've got to use your managerial influence to do something!" The Boss holds a business card and says, "My new card..." Wally stands at his cubicle and asks, "How'd it go?" Dilbert replies, "I don't expect much help from the "Director of Learned Helplessness."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, find people, laugh nervously, smack with flyswatter, wouldn't be hobby, no reason

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Dilbert sits on the couch, pointing the remote control at the tv. Dogbert stands on the arm of the couch wearing a backpack and holding a fly swatter. He says, "Wish me luck." Dilbert says, "For what?" Dogbert waves the swatter and says, "I'm going to find people who laugh nervously every time they talk. Then I'll smack them with my flyswatter." Dogbert walk away. Dilbert says, 'And the reason would be?" Dogbert says, "It wouldn't be a hobby if it had a reason."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags article, boss, alice, highlighted, save time, page numbers, dont notice

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Alice stands at the entrance to her cubicle. The Boss offers her a piece of paper and says, "Alice, I found this article in a magazine." The Boss continues, "I highlighted the most important stuff to save you some time." Alice says, "You highlighted the page numbers." The Boss says, "It takes forever if you don't notice those."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags great news, sell product line, strongest comepetitor, not viable, amazingly stupid, integrating line, work here

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The Boss walks up to Dilbert who is sitting at his computer. The Boss says, "Great news! Our strongest competitor offered to sell us their product line." Dilbert says, "Obviously they think their products are not viable. We'd have to be amazingly stupid..." The Boss interputs, "And you'll be in charge of integrating their product line with ours." Dilbert finishes, "...to work here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineers, secret code, little probelms, technology, managers, agreed, comapny

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Dilbert and an engineer from the other company sit at a table. Dilbert has a laptop computer open. Dilbert asks, "Tell me the truth. Use the engineer's secret code if you must." Dilbert continues, "Are there any little problems with the technology that my managers agreed to buy from your company?" The other engineer laughs, "Ha Ha Snort Snort Ha Ha Ha!!!" Dilbert types into his laptop and says, "1100111... Good. Go on."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, integrate, bad technology, idiot boss, good etchnology, throw away, bad tech, pure veil

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Dilbert sits at a desk with a computer on it. Dogbert sits atop the computer. Dilbert says, "It's my job to integrate the bad technology that our idiot boss bought with the good technology we already own. Your advice?" Dogbert waves his arms in the air, "Throw away the bad technology. Goof off until the next planned upgrade of the good technology. Tell your boss the improvements are a result of his brilliant buying decision." Dilbert says, "Wow. That's almost pure evil." Dogbert says, "You're welcome."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags claustrophobic in here, copy machine, new roomate, share cubicles, space constraints

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Wally stands infront of his cubicle. The Boss says, "Due to space constraints, some people will have to share cubicles." The Boss reads from a sheet of paer. "According to the list, your new roommate will be... the copy machine." Wally sits at his desk, his head pressed into the butt of the large woman standing behind him at the copy machine. She says, "Is it claustrophobic in here or is it just me?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bad advice show, married, divorce, radio show, Dogbert, explain, dead woodchuck, household tips, black paint, stain remover, all cheese diet

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Dogbert is hosting a radio talkshow. He sits at the microphone. He says, "You're on the radio with Dogbert's "Bad Advice Show." How may I hurt you?" Women on the phone asks, "My boss asked me for a date. We're both married. What should I do?" Dogbert says, "Divorce your husband. He sounds like a loser to me." Women says, "Yes, yes it all makes sense when you explain it that way." Dogbert says, "Then mail a dead woodchuck to your boss with a note that says...." Dogbert is heard over the phone. Dogbert says, "Unlike this woodchuck my love for you will never die." Women says, "Thanks. I love your show." Dogbert says, "Moving on to household tips, did you know that black paint is an excellent stain remover?" Dilbert walks in with a huge black stain on his shirt. Dilbert says, "Can we talk?" Dogbert says, "And those are just SOME of the benefits of an all-cheese diet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cancelled meeting, dilmom, effort, glass half full, made extra money, no over time pay, not funded, not important work, optimitic, power point slides worse, wast of time, waste of enery, worked till midnight, dilberts mother

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Dilbert helps his mom with her coat. Dilbert says, "As usual, I worked until midnight last night, mom." Dilbert's Mom says, "Well, at least you made some extra money." Dilbert puts his jacket on. Dilbert says, "I don't get paid for over-time." Dilbert and Dilbert's Mom take a walk. Dilbert's Mom says, "Well, at least it was important work." Dilbert says, "Not really." Dilbert says, "My boss made me change my "Power-point" slides, but the changes made them worse." Mom says, "Well. at least you're prepared for you meeting." Dilbert says, "It was canceled." Dilbert and Mom seen in the distance. Dilbert says, "But that's okay, because the project isn't funded anyway." Mom says, "So....you worked for free to worsen a presentation for a meeting that won't happen for a project that doesn't exist?" Dilbert says, "Yup." Mom says, "Well...at least you could travel back in time without having any impact on history." Dilbert says, "Yeah, my glass is half full."