July 2007 Comic Strips - Page 3
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Character
Wednesday July 25,
2007
Tags punching people, high rates, ridiculous combpver, punch face in, regain element, surprise, therapy session, couch, expressing
Transcript
Alice: I can't stop punching people who deserve to be punched. For example, your high rates and ridiculous combover make me want to punch your face in. Therapist: But you won't right? Alice: Lets see what happens when I regain the element of surprise.
Thursday July 26,
2007
Tags emails, high priority, entire week, working, feeding squirrel, east entrance
Transcript
Wally: All of your e-mails this week were marked as highest priority. "So I spent the entire week working on the first one." "Next week I plan to continue not feeding the squirrels by the east entrance."
Friday July 27,
2007
Tags Dogbert, moving compnay, threats, money, one he guy, load truck, sandwhich, Food, exstortion, couch, sweat
Transcript
The Boss: "I hired the Dogbert Moving Company to handle your relocation." "It saves us money because they only send one huge guy." "After you load your couch on the truck, make me another sandwich, or, again, I'll kill you."
Saturday July 28,
2007
Tags eliminated budget, automated test software, new code, automated test, end any converstaion, calling person big baby
Transcript
Dilbert: "You eliminated the budget for automated test software. How are we going to test our new code?" The Boss: "Go write some automated test software, you big baby. I already pay you, so it's free." Dilbert: "Today I learned I can end any conversation by calling the other person a big baby." Dogbert: "Waa-waa! Do you want your bottle?"
Monday July 30,
2007
Tags automated sytem, arbitrary deadline, work smarter, not harder, sense of urgency, get work done
Transcript
Dilbert: "I can't develop an automated testing system by the arbitrary deadline you set." The Boss: "Try working smarter, not harder, with a sense of urgency, and a bias for action." Dilbert: "Or maybe you could do something differently." The Boss: "I'm not the one who can't get his work done."
Tuesday July 31,
2007
Tags management problems, solve by yelling, buying software
Transcript
Dogbert: There are two kinds of management problems. "There's the kind you can solve by yelling and the kind you can solve by buying some sort of software." "That's why I created 'Some sort of software that yells'." The boss: "Ooo!!!"
Sunday July 01,
2007
Tags benchmarks, global warming, normally, pleasent week, polluter, problem, solution, too hot to work, work indoors
Transcript
The Boss: "Wally, did you complete the benchmark tests?" wally: "No." slurp The Boss: "Because?" Wally: "Global warming." The Boss: "What?" Wally: "Well, normally this would have been a pleasant week." "But thanks to you and your stupid SUV, it was too hot to work." "Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem." The Boss: "You work indoors!" Wally: "Said the polluter."
Sunday July 08,
2007
Tags management consulatant, consulting firm, worthless, managing, consulting, hired
Transcript
Dogbert: "You should hire me as your management consultant." Man: "We're a management consulting firm. We don't need a management consultant to consult us." Dogbert: "Are you saying that management consulting is worthless?" Man: "No, I'm saying we already know everything about management consulting." Dogbert: "How can you be so sure I can't help you when you don't know what my advice will be?" Man: "Okay, you're hired. What's your advice?" Dogbert: "Beats me. I'll have to ask my management consultant."
Sunday July 15,
2007
Tags unqualified, position, job, higher salray, negotiate riase, irrational dipwad, easily manipulated, bogus compariosns, illusion of scaricity, can't have you, desparate to hire, rationalizations, total lack of qaulifications, write the offer, business
Transcript
"No offense, but you're totally unqualified for this position." Wally: "That's okay. I already have a job." "I just need a job offer at a higher salary so I can use it to negotiate for a raise." Wally: "My boss is an irrational dipwad who is easily manipulated by bogus comparisons and the illusion of scarcity." Wally: "Your offer will make him think my value is much higher than it actually is." "Great. Now that I know I can't have you, I desperately want to hire you." "My mind is already forming rationalizations for your total lack of qualifications!" "How do you turn this off?!!" Wally: "I'll tell you after you write the offer."
Sunday July 22,
2007
Tags use old technology, get funded, raise issue, any issues, old technology, works fine, new technology buggy
Transcript
Alice: Our pointy-haired boss is insisting we use old technology because he thinks it will be easier to get it funded. "You should raise that issue at the meeting." "We'll back you up." Dilbert: "Absolutely." The Boss: "Are there any issues?" Asok: "You're making us use old technology just to make your job easier." "Does anyone else think that?" "No." "No." "No." "The old technology works fine." "New technology is too buggy." "What was that?!!" "It's just something we do."
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