July 1996 Comic Strips - Page 3
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Character
Thursday July 11,
1996
Tags quality initiative, decour, productive hours, lower morale, profitability, contest, qualicide
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, Alice and Wally, "I'm assigning each of you to a separate 'quality' initiative." Wally asks, "Is there any risk this will devour our productive hours, lower our morale and have no impact on our profitability?" The Boss says, "And we'll have a contest to come up with a name for the overall initiative." Wally asks, "How about 'Qualicide?'"
Wednesday July 10,
1996
Tags engineer up, management support, meeting, boss ego, master at work, promised customer, full management support, sales meeting, business
Transcript
Dilbert says to the Boss, "I need your full management support in this meeting with sales." The Boss replies, "Just watch the master at work." A man says to the Boss, "I promised a customer a product that we don't make. You need to engineer-up a thousand units by early next week." The Boss asks, "Is Thursday okay?" As they walk away, the Boss says to Dilbert, "Wait until he finds out that Thursday isn't 'early next week.' Hee hee!"
Tuesday July 09,
1996
Tags product mock up, last week, don't make prodcut, competitors product
Transcript
A man stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "Thanks for making that product mock-up last week. The customer liked it so much that he ordered a thousand!" Dilbert says, "That was a MOCK-UP! We don't even make that product yet. It would take three years to make one." The man says, "Just give me a thousand mock-ups. The first one was terrific!" Dilbert replies, "The mock-up was our competitor's product with duct tape over the logo."
Monday July 08,
1996
Tags supreme ruler, earth, go outside, runa round, mouth open, fresh air, exercise, hate flies, health
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert walk on the grass. Dogbert says, "Someday when I become the supreme ruler of earth . . ." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a park bench. Dogbert continues, "I'll order everybody to go outside once a day and run around with their mouths open." Dilbert asks, "Because you support fresh air and exercise?" Dogbert replies, "Because I hate flies."
Sunday July 07,
1996
Tags performance review, daughter, cub girl cookies, volume level, downsizer, low performer, fast tracker, united way chairperson
Transcript
The Boss tells Dilbert, "I'll be writing your performance review this afternoon." The Boss continues, "But this morning I'm helping my daughter sell cub girl cookies." The Boss continues, "For your shopping convenience I have assigned a name to each volume level." Dilbert reads, "Zero to four boxes is the 'downsizer' volume . . ." Dilbert reads, "Five to eight boxes is the 'low performer' volume level." Dilbert writes on the order form and says, "Let's say six hundred boxes." The Boss says, "Ahh . . . The 'fast tracker.' An excellent choice." Dilbert asks, "What's your daughter's name?" The Boss says, "Ooh . . . Gotta go." Wally says, "I only bought twelve boxes. Now I'm the 'United Way' chairperson." Dilbert says, "I just signed your name for six hundred more."
Saturday July 06,
1996
Tags bugs program, diskette, fixed bugs, code, write program, updating resume, need it soon
Transcript
The garbage man says to Dilbert, "I couldn't help noticing the bugs in the program on this old diskette you threw away." The garbage man continues, "I fixed the bugs and tightened the code from twelve thousand lines to sixteen." Dilbert says, "It took me three months to write that program." The garbage man says, "I took the liberty of updating your resume. I'm guessing you'll need it soon."
Friday July 05,
1996
Tags pre meeting, preliminary pre meeting meeting, without planning, think funny, wally dilbert, the boss
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "Let's have a little premeeting to prepare for the meeting tomorrow." Dilbert says, "Whoa! Do you think it's safe to jump right into the premeeting without planning it?" The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Okay, let's get this preliminary premeeting meeting going." Wally says to Dilbert, "You think you're funny, but you're not."
Thursday July 04,
1996
Tags angels dance in head, fault, huge number, jeopardizing, prototype, quality assurance, schedule, tree falls forest
Transcript
The Boss says to Ratbert, "In the short time you've worked in quality assurance, you've found a huge number of flaws in our prototype." Ratbert replies, "That's my job!" The Boss continues, "You're jeopardizing our schedule. The entire project will fail and it's all YOUR fault." Ratbert asks, "Why is it MY fault?" The Boss replies, "If a tree falls in the forest . . . And we've already sold the tree . . . Does it have quality?" Ratbert asks, "How many angels can dance on your head?"
Wednesday July 03,
1996
Tags quality assurance, beta prodcut, few bugs, lethal boneheaded, vesing, lethal, vexing, bonehead, rent, stadium
Transcript
Wally sits at his desk. Ratbert enters holding a printout and says, "My quality assurance review of your beta product turned up a few bugs, Wally." Ratbert continues, "I've classified the bugs by severity: 1) lethal, 2) boneheaded, 3) vexing." Wally looks at the printout and asks, "All I see are lethal and vexing. Where's boneheaded?" Ratbert replies, "I'm trying to rent a stadium to hold the printout."
Tuesday July 02,
1996
Tags quality assurance, heres resume, words spelled wrong, not even bothered, hired, base salry
Transcript
Ratbert stands on the Boss's desk and says, "I'd be perfect for the job in quality assurance. Here's my resume." The Boss looks at the resume and asks, "Are you bothered by the fact that half of your words are spelled wrong?" Ratbert replies, "Nope! I'm not even bothered by your anal-retentive behavior." The Boss says, "You're hired. Your bonus will equal negative 100% of your base salary, okay?" Ratbert says, "I don't see any problem with that."
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