July 2018 Comic Strips - Page 3
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Character
Wednesday July 11,
2018
Your Word Against Everyone
Tags accusation, assume, assumption, Opinion
Transcript
Boss: Everyone says you hate the new product test plan. Dilbert: No, I like it. Boss: Pffft. I don't think all of those people can be wrong about what you think. Dilbert: I'm kind of an expert on what I think. Boss: I guess it's just your word against everyone.
Tuesday July 10,
2018
Mind Reader Coworker
Tags paranoia, body language, assume, assumption, conclusions
Transcript
Man: Why do you hate the plan so much? Dilbert: I don't hate the plan. I like the plan. Man: No, I can tell by the way you chose your words that you hate it. Now I can tell by your face that you hate me. Dilbert: You're like a blind squirrel who brings his own nuts to the park.
Monday July 09,
2018
Your Lying Face
Tags meeting, assumption, face, facial expression, business
Transcript
Dilbert: Why didn't you invite me to the meeting? Man: I could tell by your face that you didn't want to be invited. Dilbert: But I did want to be invited. Man: Tell that to your lying face.
Sunday July 08,
2018
Tags criticism, suggestion, listening, conclusions, misunderstanding
Transcript
Dilbert: Maybe you could remove a few slides to make your deck shorter. Man: So you're saying I should give up on trying to be persuasive? Dilbert: No, I"m saying it would be more persuasive if it were shorter. Man: So you're saying that having zero slides would be the most persuasive of all? Dilbert: No. I'm saying you have more slides than you need. Man: So you're saying people don't need accurate information as long as they don't have lots of slides? Dilbert:I'm not saying anything like that! Boss: Did Dilbert have any suggestions? Man: Just crazy ones.
Saturday July 07,
2018
Can't Remember Wally's Project
Tags language, jargon, obliviousness, bluff, managers
Transcript
Boss: I can't remember what project you're working on. Wally: I'm integrating parallel platforms for load balancing across incremental networks. Boss: Keep doing that. I can never tell when I'm having a good day.
Friday July 06,
2018
No Plans To Reorganize
Tags reorganization, rumor, insult, logic
Transcript
Boss: There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that management is thinking about reorganizing the department. But reorganizing would obviously be a smart thing to do. Dilbert: Then why are you not considering it? Boss: This is exactly why no one likes you.
Thursday July 05,
2018
Contractor Wants To Be Employee
Tags negotiation, contract work, contractor, pay.wages
Transcript
Man: I've been a contractor here for over a year. Maybe you should just hire me. Boss: Who are you? I didn't even know I was paying you. Man: Perhaps we can pretend this conversation never happened. Boss: That feels like the best option.
Wednesday July 04,
2018
Reducing Headcount By Attrition
Tags big business, injury, layoff, osha, safety
Transcript
CEO: We need to reduce headcount, but we plan to do it by attrition. We're loosening our safety standards and letting nature do the rest. Voice: Gaaa!!! Ouch!!! CEO: You might want to keep your headphones on for a week or so.
Tuesday July 03,
2018
Dilbert And Monkeys
Tags motivation, work ethic, engagement, monkeys
Transcript
Dilbert: I don't feel my job is helping me reach my human potential. Boss: We only pay you because monkeys are hard to train and robots are expensive. Dilbert; Maybe I'll just play with my phone and pretend to work. Boss: That's what got the monkey fired.
Monday July 02,
2018
Strategy Is To Nimble And Agile
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