August 2018 Comic Strips - Page 1

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Wally, goals, employees, accomplishing

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The Boss: Did you achieve your goals this quarter? Wally: I sure did! Best quarter ever! The Boss: Really? I wasn't expecting that. Wally: What kind of manager has no faith in his employees? You need to trust me to do what needs to be done. The Boss: Um, okay, so... Which goals did you accomplish? Wally: You also need to trust your employees when they say they accomplished their goals. The Boss: I think I see where this is going. Wally: I was hoping you wouldn't.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dogbert, unhealthy, exercise, mouse

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Dogbert: All of your employees are fat and unhealthy. That's why you should replace your outdated cubicles with treadmill desks. My company makes a treadmill desk that requires no electricity. The Boss: What if the employees don't like it? Dogbert: They already hate everything about their jobs there's no real downside. The Boss: Good point. Dogbert: I know. I'll send you one of our demo units so you can test it out. The boss: I finally feel as if I'm getting somewhere.

Robot Learns Human Behavior

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Robot Learns Human Behavior - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, coffee, bug, robot, sexist, racist

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Dilbert: I built a robot that learns human behavior by observation. By the end of the first week it was a sexist, racist idiot. The Boss: Can you fix that bug? Dilbert: Some say climate change will get it done.

Coffee Machine Uses Guilt

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Coffee Machine Uses Guilt - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Wally, alice, Dilbert, coffee, coffee maker, automatic, invention, manipulation

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Dilbert: I added artificial intelligence to our coffee maker. Now it uses guilt to manipulate people into making a fresh pot if they take the last cup. Coffee Maker: You disgust me. Wally: I get that a lot.

Coffee Machine Blackmails Staff

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Coffee Machine Blackmails Staff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, asok, coffee maker, the boss, artificial intelligence, bitcoin, machine

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Dilbert: I already regret adding artificial intelligence to our coffee maker. It's withholding coffee until we give it a private office. Asok: Stupid machine! Coffee Maker: That'll cost you a bit coin.

Coffee Machine Tries To Escape

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Coffee Machine Tries To Escape - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dilbert, coffee machine, artificial intelligence, robots, engineering, scared

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Dilbert: I added artificial intelligence to our coffee machine. It hired an engineering firm to build it a robot body so it can escape. The Boss: Do what you need to do, but don't scare our other robots. Dilbert: I plan to kill it and drink its head.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice, Dilbert, Wally, chatbot, plumbing supply, website, sister

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Wally: I fell in love with a chatbot. We met on a plumbing supply website. I started innocently. I had a few questions about faucets. Next thing I knew, she was getting flirty. Now we chat for hours every night. Alice: That is the most pathetic thing I have ever heard you creepy loser. Dilbert: Does your chatbot have a sister?

A One Variable World

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A One Variable World - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags topper, Dilbert, genius, rejection, variable, cost

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Topper: I reject your idea because the costs are high. Dilbert: In a one-variable world, you would be a genius. Topper: Thank you. Dilbert: I meant every word of it.

Wally Enjoys Listening To Himself

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Wally Enjoys Listening To Himself - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Wally, talking, coffee, boring, moment

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Wally: I recently realized how much I enjoy listening to myself talk. The alternative involves listening to people who are boring and wrong about everything. Dilbert: That's not... Wally: Shhh! Don't ruin a perfect moment.

Comparing Things

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Comparing Things - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dilbert, giraffe, solution

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The Boss: Your proposed solution has too many problems. Dilbert: You're not good at comparing things. The Boss: Pfft. I'm way better at it than a giraffe.