August 1992 Comic Strips - Page 2
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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "My date was a fiasco." Dilbert continues, "She has a rare disease called puppetitis - it makes your hand act like a puppet." Dilbert continues, "Apparently you can catch it by holding hands." Dilbert moves his hand like a puppet and says, "But it was worth it."
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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss approaches him thinking, "Let's see if my idea of using an electric cattle prod will boost employee productivity." The Boss gives himself an electric shock. The Boss's clothes are burned and smoke rises from his body. The Boss thinks, "Mental note: hold rubber end."
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Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dogbert says, "Don't think of yourself as the least intelligent creature in this room . . ." Dogbert continues, "If you consider the entire planet, you're smarter than literally hundreds of people." Dilbert asks, "Have you ever considered taking up a hobby?" Dogbert replies, "This IS my hobby."
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Dilbert approaches the security guard in the lobby and thinks, "It must be great to be a security guard." Dilbert walks by the security guard and thinks, "You have the entire day to let your mind transport you to magic realms of wonder and creativity." The security guard thinks, "I wonder what balsa wood tastes like."
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Dogbert sits at a desk in front of a sign that says, "Marriage Counselor." A man and a woman sit across from him. Dogbert continues, "I recommend massive plastic surgery for both of you . . . And your personalities are bad, too; pretend to be other people." The man or the woman asks, "Should we try to communicate more?" Dogbert replies, "No, that's just begging for trouble."
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Dogbert sits in a chair across from a man and a woman. Dogbert says, "I'd like to try some visualization exercises." Dogbert continues, "Imagine the two of you watching a beautiful sunset, you're on a cliff overlooking the ocean . . ." The man closes his eyes, holds out his arms, smiles, and thinks, "Shove." Dogbert says, "Bob, try not to get ahead of me."
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Dogbert sits in a chair holding a pen and a pad of paper. Dogbert listens as a patient says, "We have a running fight over how to squeeze the tube of toothpaste." A man who is sitting next to a woman who looks like a pig says, "I like to squeeze it from the bottom. She prefers to empty the tube on the rug and roll around in it." Dogbert asks, "At night, does she 'hog' the blankets and snort?" The man replies, "Wow, it's like you know her."
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A woman sits next to her husband. She says, "I fell in love with him because he had a great car . . ." The woman continues, "It wasn't until later that I realized he has the personality of mildew." Dogbert sits in a chair holding a pen and a pad of paper. Dogbert asks, "Have you tried spraying him with Lysol?" The woman replies, "Yeah, it only makes him dizzy."
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Dilbert walks into "Bill's Big 'N' Egg-Shaped Men's Fashions." A sign in the window says, "Specializing in the ovoid man." Dilbert says to the salesclerk, "I want to some clothes that make a statement." The clerk responds, "All our clothes make a statement." The salesperson hands Dilbert a sweater and says, "This sweater says 'Help me, help me, I look like a big egg!'" Dilbert asks, "Does it come in brown?"
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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters holding a newspaper and says, "There are two good articles in the paper today; one about magnets, and one on sign language." The Boss continues, "I'd like you to write a white paper on how these items could influence the project you're working on." Dilbert asks, "Do you even know what project I'm working on?" The Boss replies, "I don't have time to get into minutia."