August 2019 Comic Strips - Page 2

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Wally Has Higher Income

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Wally Has Higher Income - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lying, managers & supervisors, money, office workers, bribe, salary

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Wally: Now that I'm the boss's new pet employee, my income is higher than ever. Dilbert: I didn't realize it came with a raise. Wally: It's more of an indirect thing. Man: I'll give you $100 to tell the boss good things about me. Wally: My price for lying is $200.

Wally Monetizes His Pet Status

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Wally Monetizes His Pet Status - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, criticism, employees, managers & supervisors, money, office workers, bribe

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Carol: I hear you're our boss's new pet employee. Please don't tell him all of the bad things I have said about him behind his back. I'll give you a hundred dollars if you keep quiet. Wally: I knew I could monetize this.

Wally Is New Pet Employee

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Wally Is New Pet Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business ethics, criticism, employees, managers & supervisors, office workers, work ethic

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Boss: I"m looking for a new pet employee. The ideal candidate would be a brown-nosing tattler with no ethical core. Wally: That sounds like a brilliant idea, even though Dilbert says you are a moron. Boss: You got the job.

Tina Likes To Hum

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Tina Likes To Hum - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags annoy, business, humming

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dilbert: would you please stop humming? it's making me crazy. Tina: i can't focus unless i hum. dilbert: but i can't focus when you do hum. i'm going to talk to your boss. tina: i'm going to talk to your boss! hum, hum, hum. dilbert: gaaa!!! i can't work when she hums. tina: humming helps me work better. boss: i rule in favor of the hummer and i sentence dilbert to take sensitivity training class to be less of a jerk. dilbert: i hate you. tina: hum, hum, hum.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apple, criticism, employees, employment, managers & supervisors, steve jobs, work

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Boss: I've decided to be more like Steve Jobs. I want all of you to work day and night or else I will humiliate you in front of your peers. Dilbert: I quit. Alice: I quit. Boss: Would it work better if I wore a black shirt?

Memory Science

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Memory Science - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, memory, office workers, restaurant workers, sarcasm, science, presentation

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Wally: According to the science of memory, you are likely to forget ninety percent of what I present today. So I got rid of ninety percent of my slides to focus on the one slide that matters. Voice: Or were you too lazy to make more than one slide? Wally: I already forgot ninety percent of what you just said.

The Bad Analogy Guy

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The Bad Analogy Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meetings, office workers, sarcasm, war

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Man: This meeting reminds me of the sixth elbonian revolution. Therefore, logically, this meeting will end with bayonets. Asok: What's wrong with you? Man: Can I borrow your pen?

Bad Analogy Guy Fits In

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Bad Analogy Guy Fits In - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, insults, office, office workers, sarcasm

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Man: Hi. I'm the bad analogy guy. I can't tell the difference between thinking and simply being reminded of unrelated things. Wally: You'll fit in well here. Man: You dress like a liar.

Hiring A Bad Analogy Guy

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Hiring A Bad Analogy Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office, office workers, questions, sarcasm, arrogance

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Boss: I hired a bad analogy guy. Instead of giving reasons for his opinions, he asks ridiculous questions while acting arrogant. Dilbert: That doesn't seem useful. Man: Would you say that about oxygen?

Leadership Conference In Maui

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Leadership Conference In Maui - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, irritation, managers & supervisors, vacations

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Boss: The leadership conference is in Maui next week. I need you to sit in for me...and do your own job at the same time. While I'm drinking on the beach. Dilbert: I get it!!!