August 2017 Comic Strips - Page 3

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Tina Writes Product Warnings

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Tina Writes Product Warnings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags user guide, caution, directions, safety

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Boss: Tina, I need you to write the product warning section for the user guide. Make sure you cover every possible danger. Tina: "Never use this product while standing below a poorly maintained helicopter full of porcupines."

Dilbert Characters

Product Warning Is Coming Along

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Product Warning Is Coming Along - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags user guide, safety, directions, overthinking, managers

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Boss: Tina, have you finished writing the product safety warning? Tina: I'm on page 357 with no end in sight. Boss: Okay, keep up the good work. I probably should have done a little micromanaging there.

Gain Weight Using Product

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Gain Weight Using Product - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags warning, caution, labeleing, weight, safety, medical

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Tina: Did I leave out any risks on the product warning page? Boss: I don't see anything about the risk of overeating while owning the product. Tina: Our product has nothing to do with eating. Boss: Then why did I gain weight when I used it?

Rabies Warnings

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Rabies Warnings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags warning, caution, safety, liability, rabies

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Tina: Alice, can you review the product warning I wrote? Alice: "Don't start a fight with a rabid raccoon while using this product." You have nineteen pages of rabies warnings. Tina: I was surprised at how many animals there are.

500 Pages Would Be Rubbish

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500 Pages Would Be Rubbish - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags writing, criticism, technical writer, warning, caution, safety

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Boss: You need to edit the product warning from seven hundred pages down to one. Tina: Oh, that's rich. I'ma professional technical writer, and you're telling me how to write? Boss: Can you cut it down to 500 pages? Tina: Sure, if you want it to be total rubbish.

Product Warning Is Too Long

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Product Warning Is Too Long - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technical writer, instructions, caution, warning, safety, criticism

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Tina: My boss, who knows nothing about technical writing, told me to cut my 700-page product warning down to 500 pages. He doesn't appreciate my art. Dilbert: Sounds like both of you are idiots. Tina: This will go smoother if you stop talking.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, work ethic, excuses, motivation, projects

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Boss: I need you to add a feature to the software. Wally: That would be outside the scope of the project. Boss: Yes, but I'm your boss and I'm telling you to do it. Wally: You also told me to only do the things that are documented on the project specs. Boss: Okay, just change the documentation and then do it. Wally: If I do that, the project will be late and over budget. Boss: How many excuses do you have for not doing work? Wally: I'm just getting started. This feature will never work with the others.

Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks

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Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rich people, money, stock market, investments, out of touch, obliviousness, stratification

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CEO: Hey, our stock is up two percent. I just made more money than you'll earn in your entire life. Remind me, do I leave you a tip?

Pat Yourself On The Head

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Pat Yourself On The Head - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags reward, prizes, reimbursement, expense report

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Boss: I'm naming you employee of the month. Your prize is twenty dollars cash and a pat on the head. Give yourself twenty dollars and submit an employee reimbursement request. Dilbert: Can I pat myself on the head, too? Boss: I was hoping you would offer.

Blamecatcher

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Blamecatcher - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags blame, scapegoat, failure, excuse

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Boss: I'm assigning you to a project that is co-managed by vice presidents who hate each other. Dilbert; Why do they want me to work on a project that is clearly doomed? Boss: They said something about a "blamecatcher."