August 2020 Comic Strips - Page 3
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Character
Friday August 21,
2020
5 G Gives You A Bird Head
Tags business, technology, social media, bird head, study, apathy, 5g
Transcript
dilbert: according to people on social media, our 5g technology will "give you a bird head." maybe we should study it a bit more. wally: nah, i'd wait until we see a beak.
Saturday August 22,
2020
5 G Doorway To The Demon World
Tags 5g, accident, business, demon, public, spook, technology, world
Transcript
dilbert: our 5g test accidentally opened a doorway to the demon world. boss: let's keep that to ourselves so we don't spook the public. dilbert: don't tell me. tell daryll. green demon standing behind boss: hey, nice world you have here.
Sunday August 23,
2020
Ratio Is Too High
Tags managers & supervisors, expense, budget, capital, ratio, too high, afford, standards, historical, irrelevant, manage, department
Transcript
boss: we need to reduce our expense budget to 40% of our capital budget. dilbert: why do we need to do that? boss: because the ratio is too high. dilbert: are you saying we can't afford it? boss: no. i'm saying the ratio is too high. dilbert: okay, but by what standard is it "too high"? boss: by historical standards, it has never been this high. dilbert: i don't think we want to start using an irrelevant ratio to manage the department. boss: to be fair, this is just the first time you noticed.
Monday August 24,
2020
Gaslighting The Boss
Tags managers & supervisors, month, november, october, birthday, family relations, wife, gaslight
Transcript
boss: what's the name of the month that comes after october? dilbert: november boss: that's what i thought. my wife is trying to gaslight me so she doesn't have to buy me a birthday present. dilbert: how long has she been doing that? boss: i thought i was 26 years old until just now.
Tuesday August 25,
2020
Ted Takes Selfie With Bear
Wednesday August 26,
2020
Narcisism Makes You Happy
Tags office workers, sarcasm, narcissim, happy, unhappy, therapist, reason, face mask, wrong
Transcript
Carol: you should see a therapist about your narcissism. dilbert: if i'm happy and you're unhappy, doesn't that mean you should see a therapist and i should stay the way i am? carol: no, that's totally wrong, but give me a minute to come up with a reason.
Thursday August 27,
2020
Word Salad
Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, argument, implications, long term, ramifications, strategic, priorities, word salad, trigger, cognitive, dissonance, business, face mask
Transcript
boss: you think you made a good argument, but... you are failing to consider the overall implications of the long-term ramifications with regard to strategic priorities. dilbert: that big bowl of word salad suggests i triggered you into cognitive dissonance. boss: tuna carpet!
Friday August 28,
2020
Where The Problems Are
Tags business, application, app, technology, improvement, dumb, implement, problems, insult, face mask
Transcript
co-worker: do you have any suggestions for improving the app? dilbert: yes, but you are far too dumb to implement any of them, so i won't bother. co-worker: at least tell me where the problems are. dilbert pointing at co-worker: the big ones are all in this big bag of skin.
Saturday August 29,
2020
Package Design
Tags business, vp of sales, technology, sales, selling, design, proposal, package, jump, roof, crazy, sarcasm, face mask
Transcript
dilbert: i got feedback on the proposed package design. our vp of sales says if we go with this design, he will "jump off the roof." alice: is he crazy or just good at selling? dilbert: no way to tell.
Sunday August 30,
2020
Not A Monopoly
Tags managers & supervisors, senior managment, ceo, government, monopoly, product, essential, modern, life, competition, company, compete, buy out, fail, face mask
Transcript
ceo: the government is threatening to regulate us like a monopoly. boss: are we not a monopoly? ceo: we are simply a company that makes an essential product for modern life, and we have no real competition. boss: that sounds like a monopoly. ceo: no, we are not because other companies could compete with us if they wanted. boss: and of they tried? ceo: as soon as they got some traction we'd buy them and shut them down. dilbert: so... they would fail every time. ceo: but they could try.
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