August 2008 Comic Strips
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Character
Friday August 01,
2008
Tags legal fees, lawsuit, fee is 100%, analog, lawyer, legal
Transcript
Dilbert says, "How much do I owe you in legal fees for helping me win my lawsuit?" Dogbert says, "My fee is 100% of the jury award plus I get to call you names that sound worse than they are." Dilbert says, "That doesn't seem fair." Dogbert says, "You're an analog."
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday August 02,
2008
Tags new cubilces, boss, coworkers, picked one, anything changed
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I've been away from work so long, I wonder if anything has changed." The Boss says, "You weren't here when we moved to new cubicles so your coworkers picked one for you."
Monday August 04,
2008
Tags health problems, absenteeism, raise, avoid exercise
Transcript
Wally says, "Health problems and absenteeism are a huge cost to this business." The Boss says, "So?" Wally says, "So give me a raise, or I'll eat unhealthy food and avoid all forms of exercise." The Boss says, "You already do those things." Wally says, "How could you possibly know that?"
Tuesday August 05,
2008
Tags employee wellness programs, save money, hellness program, big picture
Transcript
Dogbert says, "Employee wellness programs save money in the long run, but that does you no good." Dogbert says, "You need a program that can save you money now, when it makes a difference." Dilbert says, "A hellness program? I don't like the sound of that." The Boss says, "Try to see the big picture for once."
Wednesday August 06,
2008
Tags ergonomically correct, evil director, human services, job perfomance, chairs, wellness related
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "Our concern for wellness is related to your job performance." Catbert says, "Obviously you won't be getting an ergonomically correct chair any time soon." Catbert says, "And feel free to type as hard as you want."
Thursday August 07,
2008
Tags financial bakery, abuse, zero units, cook books, foot notes, smell like feet
Transcript
Dogbert says, "Welcome to 'Dogbert's Financial Bakery.' How may I abuse you?" A man says, "We shipped zero units this quarter. Can you cook our books?" Dogbert says, "Of course." The man says, "Will anyone know?" Dogbert says, "Sometimes the footnotes smell like actual feet."
Friday August 08,
2008
Tags cooked books, pension fund, 15% per year, crooks, optimists, whistling noise, soul escaping
Transcript
Dogbert says, "I cooked the books by assuming your pension fund will earn 15% per year." Pension Fund 15% Dogbert says, "Technically you aren't crooks, just optimists." Tweet! Mmph! Tweet! Dogbert says, "If you hear a whistling noise, that would be your soul escaping through your nose."
Saturday August 09,
2008
Tags security software, insisting, critical updates, critical upadtes, no win
Transcript
Wally says, "My security software kept insisting that I download critical updates." Wally says, "I didn't have time to do all that, and I couldn't risk using my computer without critical updates. It was a no-win situation." The Boss says, "Did you accomplish anything this week?" Wally says, "What part of 'no-win' is confusing you?"
Monday August 11,
2008
Tags keep disagreeing, great minds, think alike, arrogant
Transcript
The Boss says, "My smartest employees keep disagreeing with me." The Boss says, "Which is weird because great minds usually think alike. They must be slipping." The Boss says, "Sometimes I think I'm not arrogant enough."
Tuesday August 12,
2008
Tags online job posting, fantasize, enjoyable job, cubilce, boss, busted
Transcript
Alice thinks, "I'm addicted to our online job posting system." Alice thinks, "It helps me fantasize about having a job I could enjoy." The Boss thinks, "This can't be good." Alice says, "Oooh!"

