September 2019 Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Centralizing The Decentralized

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Centralizing The Decentralized - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business, managers & supervisors, office workers, sarcasm, value

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need to randomly change something so it seems as if being a manager is a real job. Maybe I should centralize all the functions I decentralized last year. Catbert: Or you could find a way to add value. Boss: I'm not magic.

Scourge Of Teamwork

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Scourge Of Teamwork - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags help, insults, office workers, work, teams

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Do you need any help on your project? Dilbert: No, I try to avoid the scourge of teamwork when-ever possible. Man: Isn't there any way I can be of service? Dilbert: Maybe you could offer to help someone I hate.

Cause Of Unhappiness

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cause Of Unhappiness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, happiness, office workers, research, sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I did a study of what makes people unhappy. It turns out that the primary cause of unhappiness is "other people". Alice: That's dumb. Dilbert: Said the other person.

More Communication

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
More Communication - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, communication, confused, distraction, irony, managers & supervisors

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What we need in this office is more communication and fewer distractions. Dilbert: Your goals are mutually exclusive. If you communicate more, you'll be distracting us more. Boss: Now I've lost my train of thought. Dilbert: Did my communication distract you?

The Consultant

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Consultant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, boss, business, criticism, managers & supervisors, judgement

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: ...And that's what I recommend. Boss: I reject your recommendation because it doesn't match what we already decided to do. Man: That's no way to run a business. Boss: Can you refer me to a less judgy consultant?

Tina Vents

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina Vents - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, employees, office workers, avoidance, negativity

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: I've had a bad week. Do you mind if I vent? Dilbert: I see no reason why I should be exposed to your toxic negativity. Tina: I'm going to do it anyway. Dilbert: Headphones.

Ignorant Opinions

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ignorant Opinions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, criticism, insults, office workers, Opinion, sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I told your boss I think your project is heading in the wrong direction. Dilbert: Given that you only know about 20% of what one should know to have an informed opinion on the topic, may I conclude that you are stupid and toxic? Man: You don't know me! Dilbert: I'm basing my opinion on the 20% I do know.

Best Employees

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Best Employees  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, confused, employees, customer service

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: We have the best employees in the industry! Dilbert: Then why are we ranked last in customer satisfaction? CEO: I blame our customers. Wally: Why can't they be awesome like us?

Bad Attitude

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bad Attitude - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, complaining, employees, obliviousness, attitude

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: I need to talk to you about your bad attitude. Dilbert: I'm surrounded by useless idiots, and I work in a fabric-covered box. How can I have a good attitude? Catbert: Oh, good. I was hoping it would be something I couldn't fix.

Read The Manual

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Read The Manual - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer software, employees, frustrated, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We need to fix our user interface because half of our users can't figure it out. Boss: Tell them to read the manual. Dilbert: That's not how you fix a bad user interface. Boss: Then why do manuals exist? Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be banging my head against a wall.