September 2018 Comic Strips - Page 2

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Hiring Paul The Criminal

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring Paul The Criminal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, job, market, competitive, ex-cons, work, criminals, caught, paul, data center, copper, wire

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: The job market is so competitive that we can't even find ex-cons who want to work here. So we're hiring active criminals who haven't yet been caught. The Boss: Say hello to Paul. Paul: I hear our data center has a a lot of copper wire.

Dogbert Throws Penalty Flag

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Throws Penalty Flag - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice, the boss, asok, Wally, Dilbert, accomplish, addicted, apps, fortnite, slept, losers, podcast

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I accomplished nothing this week because I'm addicted to apps on my phone. I haven't slept in three days because of my "Fortnite" habit. The Boss: What about the rest of you losers? Asok: Shhh. I got a one-ear podcast going here.

Dogbert The Meeting Referee

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert The Meeting Referee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dogbert, Dilbert, story, time-wasting, red card, Wally, refree

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert, the meeting referee. The Boss: That reminds me of a story. Dogbert: Tweet! Fifteen-yard penalty for a time-wasting story! The Boss: I''ll make it quick. Dogbert: Red card!

Compared To What

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Compared To What - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, referee, terrible, compared, imagine, penalty, flag, incorrect, duh

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert, the meeting referee. Man: Your plan is terrible. Dilbert: Compared to what? Man: Compared to the plan I imagine could exist, but doesn't. Duh. Dogbert: Penalty flag for incorrect us of "duh."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, employee, calendar, week, awkward, problem, schedule, relative, lunch, sandwich

View Transcript

Transcript

Male Employee: Do you have an hour to meet next week? Dilbert: Let me check my calendar. Next week is not good. Male Employee: You don't have one hour of free time all week? Dilbert: Well, this is awkward. The problem isn't my schedule so much as your total lack of value relative to my alternatives. Male Employee: Maybe we could meet over lunch? Dilbert: I like to focus on my sandwich.

Dogbert's Pep Talk

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert's Pep Talk - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, virtual, forget, real, people, inadequate, talk

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm worried that if I spend too much time using virtual reality, I'll forget how to talk to real people. Dogbert: I doubt you could get more boring and inadequate than you already are.

Virtual Reality

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Virtual Reality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Wally, days, virtual, trained, hospital, designer, bed, lazy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: After spending three great days in virtual reality, I accidentally trained myself to hate actual reality. Wally: What if this reality is actually another virtual reality, and you're really in a hospital bed somewhere? Dilbert: What kind of designer would make a reality with you in it? Wally: A lazy one.

Present Company Excluded

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Present Company Excluded - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, carol, virtual, human, organic, cheated, present, excluded, problem

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I just spent three days using virtual reality with no human contact whatsoever. Now every time I interact with an organic human, I feel cheated. Carol: Present company excluded? Dilbert: Here's another problem I never have in virtual reality.

Social Media Ads To Influence

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Social Media Ads To Influence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, brain-reading, computer, social media, profile, friends, testing, influence, cyborg, ridiculous, phone

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My brain-reading computer is checking your social media profile and finding your friends. I am now testing social media posts to see which ones influence them to recommend that to you date a cyborg. Woman: That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever. Dilbert: check your phone.

Resistance Is Futile

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Resistance Is Futile - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, invention, thoughts, computer, commands, individual, part, collective, internet, sexy, resistance, futile

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My invention can read my thoughts and turn them into computer commands. I'm no longer an individual. Now I'm part of the collective internet mind. Woman: That is the least sexy thing I have ever heard. Dilbert: