September 2017 Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Dilbert's History Of Lying

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert's History Of Lying - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags accusation, innocence, guilt, lying, deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't give you a raise because of your history of lying about everything. Dilbert: I don't lie. I have a history of being falsely accused. Boss: I'll add that lie to your list. Dilbert: I don't see a path to victory here.

Dilbert Is A Lover Not A Fighter

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Is A Lover Not A Fighter - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lover, fighter, argument

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm a lover, not a fighter. Dogbert: When is the last time you did either one? Dilbert: Are you trying to start a fight? Dogbert: It's the better option of the two.

Tina The Whistleblower

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina The Whistleblower - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags company policy, human resources, whistleblower, security, confidential, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Is there any kind of whistleblower protection at this company? Boss: Yes, management is protected against whistleblowers like you. Tina: Are you going to fire me? Boss: No, no, no. I'll just make you want to quit.

Tina Has Complaints Against His Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina Has Complaints Against His Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags human resources, complaint, ignore, attention, results, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: I have complaints about my boss. Many, many complaints. Catbert: Tell me about it while I pretend to listen. Tina: Then you will look into my complaints? Catbert: Is there any way you would know if I didn't?

Helping The Boss Be Successful

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Helping The Boss Be Successful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags helpfulness, niceness, kindness

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: How can I help you achieve your goals and be more successful? Boss: You could stop talking all creepy and weird. Asok: I thought I was being helpful. Boss: Go hate your job like everyone else.

Dilbert Might Have Lied

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Might Have Lied - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rumors, sources, journalism, accusation

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I heard you lied about moving the server rack. Dilbert: It isn't true. Man: I heard it from several sources. Dilbert: Each of them heard it from the same source, who was wrong. Man: With that much smoke, there must be a fire. Dilbert: Yes, but it's coming out of your ears.

Lots Of Things Happening Behind The Scenes

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Lots Of Things Happening Behind The Scenes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags human resources, results, confidentiality, progress, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: I complained about my boss two months ago. Has Human Resources done anything about it? Catbert: Lots of confidential things are happening behind the scenes. Tina: For example? Catbert: For example, we talked about how much of a whiner you are.

Everything Sounds Like A Lie

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Everything Sounds Like A Lie - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lying, deception, catch-22, accusation, innocence, guilt

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Now that everyone knows you are a liar, everything you say sounds like a lie. Dilbert: You starting assumption is wrong. I didn't lie about anything. Tina: That's exactly what liars say. Dilbert: Excuse me while I bang my head on this table until I pass out.

Everyone Says Dilbert Lied

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Everyone Says Dilbert Lied - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rumor, accusation, conclusions

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Everyone says you moved the server rack and lied about it. Dilbert: Everyone is wrong. It didn't happen. Man: Oh, so it's your word against literally "everyone?" Is that what you're saying? I'll go with the majority on this, thank you very much. Dilbert: I want to like people, but they don't make it easy.

False Rumor

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
False Rumor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags insult, backhanded compliment, liar, idiot

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Everyone at work thinks I'ma liar because of a false rumor. Dogbert: If it makes you feel any better, I know you aren't a liar. Dilbert: Thank you. That does help. Dogbert: I see you as more of an idiot. And you're welcome.