September 2003 Comic Strips
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Character
Tuesday September 30,
2003
Tags disloyal ingrate, evil dircetor, inform boss, internal job open, new policy
Transcript
CatBert: "Evil H.R. Director." "New policy: You must inform your boss before applying for an internal job opening." "PURRRRRRRRR." The Boss: "Well, good luck, you disloyal, back-stabbing ingrate."
Monday September 29,
2003
Tags no raise, next year, disincentivized, moping around, muscles, weak, motovation
Transcript
Dilbert: "I can't give you the salary that you deserve because then there'd be no room for a raise next year." "I wouldn't want you to be all disincentivized, you know, just moping around." Dilbert: "Neck.. muscles.. so.. weak." The Boss: "I think motivation causes that."
Sunday September 28,
2003
Tags employee moral survey, open, honest, communication from management, death spiral, looting comaony, noise, fishing lures, e, ploys suffer, boss likes hurting, sick boss, negative force
Transcript
"I have the results of the employee morale survey." "The number one issue is 'not enough open and honest communication from management.'" "Well, okay. I'm willing to give that a try." "Management is looting the company while hiding the fact that we're in a death spiral." "Whenever you talk, I think about fishing lures until the noise stops." "When I see an employee suffer, it excites me in ways I don't understand." "On nine separate occasions I've fired bald guys because I thought they were you." "If this doesn't work for you. Let me know on next employee morale survey."
Saturday September 27,
2003
Tags network design, local trees, social skills
Transcript
Man; "I was an engineer before I got into marketing, so I have a few suggestions for your network design." man: "Get rid of this 'Cisco' doohickey, whatever it is, and put it in a catapult made from local trees." Dilbert: "Has it been awhile?" Man: "At least I have good social skills now, you dipweed.
Friday September 26,
2003
Tags engineer, moved to marketing, lisa, old apple computer, old wife, engineering
Transcript
Man: I was an engineer before I moved to marketing. Now I don't remember how to turn on my lisa, Dilbert: You have an old lisa computer from apple? Man: Old wife.
Thursday September 25,
2003
Tags outsourcing, elbonia, time difference, hand off requirements, work day, finish code, pretend we died
Transcript
The Boss: "We're outsourcing half of our programming work to Elbonia to take advantage of the time difference." The Boos: "We'll hand off our requirements at the end of our work day and get back the finished code the next morning." Elboninas: "Once again, I have no idea what they want." "Let's pretend we died."
Wednesday September 24,
2003
Tags 3 page eamil, clump of space, separate long sentances, ambling senttences, little curvy thing, comma
Transcript
Alice: "I got your three-page e-mail, and I brought you a gift." "It's a clump of blank space. You can use it to separate long, rambling, unrelated sentences." "Next week I'll introduce you to a little curvy thing that I call a comma."
Tuesday September 23,
2003
Tags tasks, a, b or c priorities, a priorities, after i update, left in tank
Transcript
Wally: "Every morning I rank my tasks as A, B, or C priorities." The Boss: "And then you work on the 'A' priorities first?" Wally: "To be honest, after I update the list, there isn't much left in the tank."
Monday September 22,
2003
Tags lead odg, view never changes, look at face, imlying, insightful analogy
Transcript
The boss: "Remember, if you're not the lead dog, the view never changes." Carol: "I'm not the lead dog, and I have to look at your face all day. The Boss: "What are you implying?" Carol: "I was admiring your insightful analogy."
Sunday September 21,
2003
Tags nano bit project, Dilbert, take over, everyone busy, face in allaegators, one cracker a day, cracker time, quitting tomorrow, four problems
Transcript
Alice: "I don't have time to work on the nanobit project." The Boss: "No problem. Tell Dilbert I said he should take over." Two minutes later Dilbert: "I'm way, way too busy." The Boss: "Fine. Tell Wally to do it." Two minutes later. Wally: "I'm up to your face in alligators!" The Boss: "Okay, okay... hand it off to Asok." Two minutes later. Asok: "But already I only have time to eat one cracker a day." The Boss: "Tell Ted I said.." Ted: "Sure, I'll do it. No problem." Asok: "Mmm.. cracker time." Ted: "I'm quitting tomorrow." The Boss: "I solved four problems today!"


