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Wally sticks his head into the boss' office. Wally says, "I'm back from training." Wally says, "I got a big binder." Wally holds out a big book. Wally says, "The training is already forgotten but the binder will last forever." Wally brings the binder to his chest. Wally says, "A living monument to temporary knowledge!" Wally says, "I'll put it in my cubicle with the others." Wally says, "Speaking of my cubicle, which direction is it?" The Boss points. Wally says, "Okay, thanks. That information should be in a binder." Dilbert says, "Did he approve funding for our project?" Wally says, "Not yet. Step one was to free up funds from the training budget."
Boss: The stock market is up today. I wonder if this is a good time to get in. Dilbert: If you wait until it goes up even further, then you'll know it's a good investment. Wally: Are you still bitter about your last raise? Dilbert: Not as much as I was a minute ago.
Tags #booth, #brochure, #exhibitions, #exhibitor expenses, #expenses, #huge crowds, #last 11 years, #logo sign, #new customers, #popular booth, #spillover, #steal chair, #trade show, #video of incident, #youtube
Boss: How did we do at the trade show? Dilbert: We had a huge crowd around our booth the entire time. But it was just the spillover from the popular booth next to us. The only person who asked for our brochure used it to kill a spider. Some guy tried to steal our extra chair and then Alice beat him senseless with our logo sign. A video of the incident is already on YouTube. It cost us $200,000 to be an exhibitor and we gained zero new customers. So it was just like the last eleven years. Boss: I feel good about next year!
Boss: We've been asked to cut our budget by 30%. Dilbert: That doesn't make sense. We met all of our objectives last year. Boss: A different part of our company had a huge loss. Dilbert: Shouldn't you cut their budget, not ours? Boss: Their budget isn't big enough to make a difference to the bottom line. Dilbert: So our strategy is to punish success, and reward failure? Boss: Just do your job and leave the strategy to management. Dilbert: Hypothetically, if I do my job poorly, would that be good or bad for me?
Dilbert thinks, "I'm feeling timid today . . . I felt timid yesterday too . . ." Dilbert thinks, "Holy cheese! I may be a timid person." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I've decided to build a blanket fort with the living room furniture and live in it forever." Dogbert replies, "I'm so proud of you."
Dilbert sits in a chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert says, "Our town hasn't had a murder since 1957." The caption says, "Definition of an optimist." Dilbert thinks, "We're safe forever." The caption says, "Definition of a pessimist." Dogbert thinks, "We're due."
Dogbert flies through the sky in a hover-saucer. Dogbert thinks, "I should be able to conquer Elbonia in about ten minutes with this thing." Dogbert thinks, "I'll be 'King Dogbert of Elbonia,' despotic yet congenial. Uh-oh." An American missle flies toward the saucer. The missile asks, "Did you watch PBS last night?" Dogbert says, "Aaagh!!! It's a smart missile! It's boring in on me!!"
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Uh . . . Dilbert, about that assignment I gave you last month . . ." The Boss continues, "Remember how you thought it was a silly and ridiculous assignment?" Dilbert says, "Yeah?" The Boss replies, "Well, it turns out that I've been spontaneously channeling the spirit of Bozo the Clown." The Boss is suddenly wearing a clown nose and costume.
A woman says to Dilbert, "So, you're temporarily assigned to marketing and Brent went to engineering?" Dilbert replies, "Yeah . . ." In engineering, Brent points to a computer and asks, "What kind of microwave oven is this?" Wally replies, "That's a fifty MIP Sparc workstation, Brent." Brent places a croissant on the monitor and thinks, "In other words, it's going to take FOREVER to warm my croissant."
Dilbert, Dogbert and several other passengers stand in waist-deep snow. Dilbert says, "We're alive . . . We must have been thrown clear when the jet hit the mountain." The airplane captain says to Dilbert, "I'm Captain Bob. Sorry about the crash. What are the odds I'd hit this same mountain on every flight?" As Bob walks away Dilbert says, "We're in luck. Captain Bob knows how to survive these situations." Bob thinks, "Nice folks. I'll eat them last."