Cell Mate Comic Strips - Page 1
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Dilbert sits in a prison cell with a large man. The man asks, "What are you in for?" Dilbert replies, "I killed a man with an ear of corn. But I was provoked." A guard hands a tray of food into the cell and Dilbert says, "Hey, look! Corn for lunch. Can you believe that?" His cellmate looks frightened.
Airport Security Man says, "Step over here, sleeper cell." Man says, "Our new pat down procedures might be more invasive than you're used to." Man says, "Only terrorists act nervous in these situations." Airport Security
Noise: Ring. Dilbert: Uh-oh. It's never good when my phone rings after 4 pm. Caller ID is blocked. Someone must know that I would ignore the call if I knew who it was. If it weren't urgent, it would be email. This must be some sort of horrible issue that will cause me to work all night. It stopped. There's still a chance that I'll be okay unless my cell phone... Noise: Bzzzz. Dilbert: GAAAA!! I hate my life! Alice: You're right. That was funny. Wally: Now I'll text him.
Tina: Someday, I want to get married because studies show that married people are happier. Dilbert: A smarter interpretation is that no one wants to marry an unhappy person. Tina: You're annoying. Dilbert: With any luck, your soul mate won't be perceptive.
Co-worker: You never answer when I call your cell. Wally: My battery is dead. Co-worker: Maybe you should charge it for once. Wally: I don't have time for that. Co-worker: What do you do all day that makes you so busy? Wally: For starters, I have this conversation a lot.
Boss: Let's brainstorm new product ideas. Remember, the most important rule of brainstorming is no criticizing. Dilbert: I'll go first. Research shows that brainstorming is less effective than people working by themselves and later comparing ideas. My idea is to use stem cell technology to design bosses who aren't ignoramuses. Remember, you're not supposed to criticize ideas. But if you decide to do it anyway, it sort of proves my point. I understand whey brainstorming has a bad reputation, but it doesn't stop me from enjoying it.
The caption says, "Dilbert celebrates his victory in court." Dilbert picks Dogbert up and yells, "Yes!!" Dogbert says, "Put me down." Dilbert spreads his arms and yells, "Ha ha! I'm free! No more six-by-six prison cell!" Dilbert sits in his cubicle at work thinking, "Aah . . . It feels so good to have my freedom and individuality back."
Wally: I've given up on the whole dating scene. I've decided to reproduce by asexual cell division. Dilbert: I didn't realize that's an option. Wally: you never know until you try. Dilbert: I think I'll steer clear of here for a while. Wally: divide! divide!
Dogbert walks in the park. A fish with legs comes walking down the path. The fish says, "Howdy!" Dogbert says, "I've never seen a fish with legs." The fish explains, "I'm evolving into a higher life form." Dogbert says, "That sounds like a lot of work." The fish says, "Yeah . . . The hard part is finding a mate who isn't turned off by legs." The fish continues, "With any luck, the kids will be mutants too." The fish continues, "I'm hoping they'll have arms but not look too much like Rodney Dangerfield." The fish stands at the edge of a pond. He tells a female fish, "These legs are a natural advantage!" The female says, "Oh, that's original."
Catbert stands in the doorway of the copy room. Wally holds a cardboard box. Catbert says, "You're under arrest for stealing empty cardboard boxes!" Catbert says, "The company needs those boxes to meet its recycling goals." Wally says, "But reuse is better than recycling." Wally stands in his cubicle which now has a prison door. Catbert walks away. Wally stares through the bars. Wally thinks, "There's got to be a way out of this cell." The cubicle walls are barely higher than Wally's head.