Eliminate Waste Comic Strips - Page 1
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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Our strategy is to grow revenue from new products." Dilbert turns to The Boss and asks, "How obvious does an idea need to be before we'll stop calling it a strategy?" The Boss says, "And we plan to eliminate waste." Dilbert responds, "We'll miss you."
The Boss: Carol, schedule a staff meeting. Carol: What's the topic?" The Boss: I plan to fuse Six Sigma with lean methods to eliminate the gap between our strategy and our objectives. Carol: I'll just say 'Waste of time'.
Boss: Wally, did you finish coding the paywall for our website? Wally: I did something better. I wrote a script to delete any new content as soon as it's posted. At bonus time, keep in mind that you're the one who had the idea to eliminate revenue, and I'm the one who lowered hosting costs.
Dilbert: I estimated the project timeline by assuming that everyone involved will waste one week. Boss: That's a stupid way to do a timeline. Set up a meeting and I'll show you how it's supposed to be done. Carol: He's available in a week.
Voice: The data center is evolving into a "lights out" operation. Employees will no longer be allowed in the data center. We hope to eliminate all of the problems that humans cause by moving cables, unplugging power cords, and ruining everything with their dirt and static. Dilbert: He makes it sound as if the data center is alive and we humans are nothing but germs. Alice: By the way, who called this meeting and who's on the speakerphone? Dilbert: Are you... the data center? Noise: CLICK. Dilbert: I have a bad feeling about this.
Wally: Should I waste my time doing tasks that are not in my job description? Or should I be a mindless zombie that shuns teamwork and never shows initiative? Take your time. I'm good either way.
Bank Teller: Thanks for the deposit, sucker! We plan to waste it on complicated hedging strategies that we don't even understand. Dilbert: Your honesty is refreshing. Bank Teller: Thanks, but it makes cross-selling harder.
Dogbert sits across from a man behind a desk. Dogbert says, "I heard you're looking for a hit man to eliminate an inventor named Dilbert." Dogbert continues, "For a million dollars I can deliver his head on a platter." The man asks, "Does it have to be on a platter?" Dogbert replies, "I've tried using those Tupperware lettuce crispers, but it loses a lot of the drama."
A woman stands in front of the Boss's desk holding a device. The woman says, "My 'defantalator' invention can eliminate the unproductive and naughty thoughts of your male employees." The woman continues, "We succeeded in getting men to stop ACTING like men, but it wasn't enough. Men must stop THINKING like men too." The Boss thinks, "Hmm . . . A little makeup and a new hairdo . . ." The woman points the invention at the Boss and says, "Hey! Cut it out!"