Despair Comic Strips - Page 1
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21 Results for Despair
View 1 - 10 results for despair comic strips. Discover the best "Despair" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday October 11,
2003
Tags top down budget, bottom up budget, ignorance, cruelty, lying, optimism, cancel, wasted hour
Transcript
Man: "I averaged the top-down budget with the bottom-up budget." "As you can see, the ignorance and cruelty canceled out the lying and optimism." Alice: "Do you have anything to cancel out feelings of a wasted hour?" Man: "Have you tried despair?"
Sunday February 22,
2004
Tags new senior engineer, ready for promotion, 5 year intern, mean, unfair, poor business model, department won't grow, train new guy
Transcript
Asok: "I heard that you got approval to hire a new Senior Engineer." "As an intern, I have performed all the functions of a Senior Engineer for the past five years. I am now ready for promotion." The Boss: "I plan to hire someone from outside the company." "Must control tiny fists of intern fury." The Boss: "I have the approval to fill the Senior Engineer position but there's a ban on hiring new interns." "So, if I promote you, my empire... oops... I mean my department won't grow." Ask: "Gaaaa! My despair has turned into a searing psychological pain! Ow ow ow!" "That reminds me, I need you to train the new guy."
Tuesday March 23,
2004
Tags speak at school, sons school, disguise bitterness, punish son, honored to speak
Transcript
Carol: "Would you consider speaking at my son's school on career day?" "I'd do it myself, but I can't disguise the bitterness and despair that gnaw at my soul." "Plus my son has been bad and I told him I'd punish him." The boss: "I'd be honored to speak."
Friday February 11,
2005
Tags addicted to email, endorphins spike, loneliness and despair, email to self
Transcript
"I'm addicted to e-mail. My endorphins spike when I get a message." "When there are no messages, loneliness and despair overcome me." "Have you tried sending e-mail to yourself?" "We don't talk about that."
Friday January 13,
2006
Tags despair, employment, freedom, jobs, office, office workers, suicide
Transcript
Ted: I used to be a photographer, wild and unsupervised. I tasted the sweet nectar of freedom. Carol: Fill out your time report in 15-minute increments so we always know what you're doing. Attempted self-strangulation is code 39. If you succeed, it's 40.
Saturday March 18,
2006
Tags purpose in life, despair, purpose is drinking coffee, urinal
Transcript
"Wally, do you ever wonder about your purpose in life?" "My purpose is to transport huge quantities of coffee from the coffee maker to a urinal." "Suddenly I am filled with despair." "Hey, while you're up..."
Sunday May 06,
2007
Transcript
"Can I ask you a question?" "Sure, new guy." "How long do I need to work here before..." "...the dark cloud of hopelessness and despair begins to lift?" "I keep expecting the feeling to go away any minute." "I was hoping to achieve job satisfaction within a month." "Once that happens, I figure that total self-actualization can't be far behind." "I'd give it another day or two." "Any minute now."
Sunday February 03,
2008
Tags depressed, dilbert and mother, disengaged with son, engage, incompetence, life is a joke, monkeys, talk, work, no punchline, lifeguards
Transcript
Dilmom: How is work Dilbert? Dilbert: Well, mom...I'm like a fly stuck in a thick tar of despair. Incompetence hangs in the air like the cold stench of death. I'm drowning, and monkeys dressed as lifeguards are throwing me anvils. My job has convinced me that life is a stale joke with no punch line. I long for the comfort of the grave. Dilmom: Next time just say 'it's fine. Dilbert: I enjoy our talks. Dilmom: It's fine.
Sunday April 05,
2009
Tags stubborn, stupidity, project, unavailable, bureaucracy
Transcript
The boss says, "Finish this project in two weeks." The boss says, "And make sure you get input from all the executive stakeholders." Dilbert says, "That's impossible." The boss says, "Why?" Dilbert says, "Let's call one of the ten stakeholders and I'll show you." Beep beep This is Ed Bigston's voice mail. I'm not available...ever. I am either on vacation, or sick, or traveling, or in a meeting. I do not check e-mail or return phone calls. Like the horizon, I am more of a concept than a corporeal being. Despair is your only option. The boss says, "Try faxing him."
Thursday April 01,
2010
Tags feedback, website design, computer, eyes wide, psychopath, photo wall, toe fungus, despair, yell, mouth open, scared, pain, satan, licking, brain, tone down, hair stand up, technology
Transcript
Tina says, "I need your honest feedback on our new website design." Asok says, "The layout looks like a psychopath's photo wall. The colors remind me of toe fungus and despair." Tina says, "I'll say, 'needs work.'" Asok says, "It feels like Satan is licking my brain!"


