Elbonian Prison Wall Comic Strips - Page 1
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The telephone rings. Dilbert picks up the phone and says, "Hello." The voice on the other end says, "This is the governor . . ." The governor says, "Do you remember that snotty letter you wrote about prison overcrowding? We thought YOU might want to look after one of our guys for thiry or forty years." The doorbell rings. A large man in a prison uniform says, "Hi. I'm Bob. My friends would call me 'Strangler' if they were alive." Bob carries a suitcase into the house and asks, "So, where do you keep the blunt objects? Sure is crowded in here." Dilbert clenches his fist and says, "Ooh! I am so tempted to fire off another letter over this!!" Dogbert says, "Yeah! 'Postage due' this time!"
The caption says, "To the ancients it was known as the 'Time of Degauss.'" Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. The caption says, "Every thousand years, the animal magnetism of domesticated creatures reverses." Dogbert's ears fly up. The caption says, "The result can be catastrophic . . ." Silverware flies out of a drawer and the toaster flies off the shelf. The caption says, ". . . Or dogastrophic." Dogbert runs away from the flying metal objects that are attracted by his magnetism. Dogbert runs through Dilbert's legs. The caption says, "Soon the field stabilizes, and the threat is forgotten." The silverware pins Dilbert to the wall. Dogbert says, "That reminds me - what's for supper tonight?"
Dilbert shows Dogbert a device that looks like a handle. He says, "This is my newest invention: the deodorant spray booster pack!" Dilbert explains, "You connect it to any can of deodorant to boost the rate of output." Dogbert asks, "Why?" Dilbert replies, "Why?! . . . Do you know how much time is wasted waiting for the spray to hit your armpit?" Dilbert activates the device and it blows him through the wall. Dilbert lies on his back in the backyard. He says, "As my best friend, I'm sure you can contain any sarcastic references to deodorant until my bones mend." Dogbert replies, "No sweat."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "And another of life's mysteries is, why do they call it the 'Great Wall of China?'" Dilbert continues, "It never really kept any invading armies out . . . Kind of a dismal flop from an engineering perspective." Dogbert says, "I don't think 'The Dismal Flop of China' would have the same tourist appeal." Dilbert replies, "I wouldn't pay to see it."
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert asks, "Do you ever feel like doing something really strange?" Dogbert continues, "Sometimes I get the urge to break into the post office at night and lick all the stamps." Dilbert says, "Well . . . That's not TOO strange." Dogbert continues, "Then I would see how long I can stick to the wall by my tongue."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a brick wall. Dogbert says, "Sometimes I dream of a kinder world . . ." Dilbert thinks, "Trouble . . ." Dogbert continues, "A world where all creatures live in peace and harmony . . ." Dogbert continues, "Where nobody pursues retribution for some tiny little misdeed." Dilbert thinks, "Big trouble." Dogbert continues, "Where bygones are bygones . . . Forgive and forget . . ." Dilbert shouts, "Stop it! Stop it! Please just tell me what horrible thing you've done!" Dilbert runs away screaming. Dogbert says, "You know, studies have shown that people with pets live happier, less stressful lives."
The caption says, "Dilbert arrives at the ex-communist country of Elbonia." Dilbert says to a man in uniform, "I need a flight to your capital." Dilbert turns toward the reader and says, "For a moment I was worried that this backward little country wouldn't have a commuter flight." Two Elbonian women watch as Dilbert is flung from a giant slingshot. One woman says, "I hate living near the airport."
An Elbonian asks Dilbert, "How do we know you came to Elbonia just to teach us capitalism?" Another man says, "Yeah . . . Maybe you came to steal our secret process for making mud!!" Dilbert asks, "Dirt and water?" As Dilbert stands in the distance, an Elbonian says, "He knows . . ." The pig says, "We'll have to kill him."
Dilbert says to a group of Elbonians, "The basic problem with your economy is that the only product you make is mud . . ." An Elbonian asks, "So?" Dilbert says, "Nobody needs mud. Who the heck is in charge of planning this economy, anyway?" The pig smiles.
Dilbert says to a group of Elbonians, "The first thing you Elbonians must understand about capitalism is the incentive system." Dilbert continues, "If you're willing to work twelve hours a day, eventually the guy who owns your factory will get rich." An Elbonian asks another, "Am I missing something here?" Dilbert continues, "Then you guys get to watch great tv shows based on the millionaire's life!"