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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dogbert says, "I don't quite understand what scientific principle you intend to discover with a bowl of soup and a necktie." Dilbert waves his tie back and forth as he explains, "I'm testing the strange attraction between staining liquids and new ties." The bowl of soup flies across the table and spills on Dilbert's tie. Dogbert says, "I wonder how Newton missed this little gravitational oddity." Dilbert replies, "He didn't wear a necktie."
Dilbert says, "You know what I just realized, Dogbert?" Dilbert continues, "The little hairs on the back of my hand - they never get any longer." Dogbert says, "Before I respond, just give me a moment to bask in the radiance of your wisdom."
Dilbert jogs through the park wearing a sweat suit and sneakers. Dogbert sits in the chair. He asks, "How was your run?" Dilbert replies, "Great . . . I feel awful." Dogbert says, "Pardon a simple dog for asking, but why do you run if it feels awful?" Dilbert answers, "Well, if I do it every day, I'll live a longer life." Dogbert says, "So, life will feel awful, but at least it will last a long time." Dilbert says, "Unless I get hit by a truck . . ."
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Let's go . . . It's time to renew your dog license." Dilbert and Dogbert enter the Department of Dogs. Dogbert looks at an exam and thinks, "I wonder what happens if I fail the written test?"
A man behind a counter at the Department of Dogs says to Dogbert, "I'm sorry, but it seems you've failed the written portion of the dog license test." Dogbert replies, "Impossible!" The clerk says, "For example, this question on 'natural enemies': the correct answer is 'mailman.' You wrote in 'fax machine.'" Dilbert asks Dogbert, "How'd it go?" Dogbert replies, "The 'Department of Dogs' does not keep up with emerging trends."
A doctor says to Dilbert, "It seems we had a mix-up with your test results." Dilbert asks, "Then I'm not dying?" The doctor replies, "We doctors are amazingly smart, but occasionally we make a little error." Dilbert says, "Well . . . I understand." The physician looks at a chart and says, "By the way, your pap smear was normal."
The caption says, "Dogbert performs a scientific test of so-called 'women's intuition.'" Dogbert and a woman sit at a table. Dogbert says, "I'm thinking of a number between one and ten." The woman says, "5.1362894 . . . No, I'll say three." Dogbert says, "Wrong! The answer is 5.1362894 . . . I'm beginning to wonder if you're really a woman."
Bob the Dinosaur sits across from a man and a woman who are interviewing him. The man says, "Before we hire you as our babysitter, we want to test how a dinosaur like you would respond to a variety of emergency scenarios." The man asks, "What if there's a fire?" Bob replies, "Dial 911." The man asks, "Burglary?" Bob answers, "Dial 911." The man asks, "Injury?" Bob replies, "Dial 911." The man asks, "Poisoning?" Bob replies, "Dial 911." The man asks, "Giant asteroid collides with earth and triggers an ice age?" Bob says, "Oh, wow . . . I'm drawing a complete blank here . . ."
Dilbert stands across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "We can no longer compete against the Japanese with their technology advantages." The Boss continues, "So we're sending you to Japan on an employee exchange program." Dilbert asks, "To learn their technology and bring it back here?" The Boss replies, "Just do for them what you've done for us."
A police detective and an officer stand in Dilbert's doorway. The detective says, "We're investigating the death of you lab partner." Dilbert sits at a table with the men and explains, "It was the final test of the automatic dentures . . . Willy wasn't wearing his protective corn-on-the-cob jacket . . ." The detective asks, "Did you notice anything unusual?" Dilbert replies, "No, not really."