Questioning Employees Comic Strips - Page 1
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Dilbert sits at his desk reading a memo. Dilbert reads, "Urgent memo to all employees:" Dilbert says, "Uh-oh. Looks important." Dilbert continues reading, "If we are to remain competitive, you must proactively improve quality on all actionable items!" Dilbert says, "Wow! That was inspiring. My heart is pounding. I'm all tingly . . . I'd better take the rest of the day off . . ."
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dawn and Bob the Dinosaurs asks, "Uh . . . Dilbert, could we get your advice?" Bob says, "We just joined Dogbert's new cult." Dawn says, "And he ordered us to kill each other for questioning him." Dilbert says, "Hmm . . . Maybe you could just shove each other in front of trucks."
Witch: So... You've come to the accounting department for an explanation of the budget report, aye? Unchain him, Bradley. Normally we would torture and kill you for questioning our report. Dilbert: But you realized that my questions are valid? Witch: No. I'm promoting Bradley. You're my new analyst.
Dilbert sits at a conference table with three people from marketing. A woman says, "Maybe Dilbert can explain to the marketing people how the system works." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Dilbert says, "Uh . . . So the electrons alter the data bits . . . And then they go to the virtual array where they conflugalize. Got it?" The woman asks, "How many of those words did you just make up?" Dilbert thinks, "They're on to me."
The caption says, "Day one: Dogbert's School for Self-Service Gas Station Attendants." A student raises his hand and says, "Question." The man asks, "Do service station employees qualify for military benefits?" Dogbert replies, "I don't think so." The man asks, "Can we fool women with these uniforms?"
Dogbert and the Boss walk out of the Boss's office. Dogbert says, "My fee for business consulting is $200 an hour." The Boss says, "Fair enough." Dogbert says, "I'll spend the day questioning your employees to identify problem areas." Later that day, Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. Dogbert reads a document and says, "It's unanimous. They're underpaid and all the problems are your fault, 'Lard Head.'"
The Boss: Dilbert, this is your new co-worker, Floyd Remora. Floyd has worked here for twenty years without developing any skills. He survives by attaching himself to other employees. Dilbert: Go ahead... Ask me how my day went.
A man stands in front of Dilbert's desk and says, "The Japanese have made an offer to buy the company." The man continues, "As CEO you would make $68 million . . . But the employees would all be laid off." Back at home, Dilbert asks Dogbert, "If I accept, what will I say to the employees?" Dogbert replies, "How about 'neener neener?'"
The Boss says to Dilbert and two other employees, "The staff cuts will be determined by tossing a dart at the organization chart while blindfolded." The Boss puts on a blindfold and throws the dart. Someone screams. A woman says, "You slayed Johnson!" The Boss replies, "Boy, talk about decisive management!"
A senator at a table says into a microphone, "Mister Dogbert, the Senate Judiciary Committee will begin the questioning." The senator asks, "How would you interpret Roe versus Wade?" Dogbert replies, "They're lying. I deny everything." The senator says, "We're not accusing you . . ." Dogbert says, "Hey, I didn't bring it up!"