Results Of Survey Comic Strips - Page 1

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92 Results for Results Of Survey

View 1 - 10 results for results of survey comic strips. Discover the best "Results Of Survey" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 1989's comic on:


Tags #death, #marriage, #relationships, #medical

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert reads a magazine and says, "Wow! This survey says that a woman over 35 has the same odds of getting married as being killed by a terrorist." Dogbert asks, "Of the ones who do get married, how many marry terrorists?" Dilbert replies, "One in four." Dogbert says, "Gosh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #dying, #smart, #pap smear, #normal

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A doctor says to Dilbert, "It seems we had a mix-up with your test results." Dilbert asks, "Then I'm not dying?" The doctor replies, "We doctors are amazingly smart, but occasionally we make a little error." Dilbert says, "Well . . . I understand." The physician looks at a chart and says, "By the way, your pap smear was normal."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #illegal, #search, #car, #home, #drugs, #ethical, #problemblood, #body, #cafeteria

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The Boss says to Dilbert and Wally, "Starting today, the company will begin random drug testing." The Boss continues, "Although it would be illegal to search your car or home for illegal drugs . . ." The Boss concludes, "We have found no ethical problem with sucking the blood out of your body. Results will be posted in the cafeteria."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #company's, #privacy, #johnson, #cheetos, #diet pepsi, #grass, #skirts, #lawnmower

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Dilbert asks Wally, "Don't you think the company's drug testing policy is a violation of our privacy?" Wally replies, "I don't do drugs." The Boss reads a report and says, "Johnson, your blood test results are in. Looks like you live on Cheetos and Diet Pepsi . . . Your wife doesn't love you . . . And whoa . . What's this?" The Boss continues, "Apparently, you like to dress in grass skirts and make fun of the lawnmower."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #dilemma, #company, #discouraging, #drug, #use, #constitutional, #rights, #straightest, #path, #mud, #rationalize

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Dilbert sits in his chair and says to Dogbert, "It's an ethical dilemma . . . I support my company's goal of discouraging drug use, but the random drug testing policy is a violation of my constitutional rights." Dilbert continues, "I'll get fired if I refuse the test. What is the ethical thing to do?" Dogbert replies, "Hack into their computer and change your Boss's test results." Dilbert sits at his computer and says, "Sometimes the straightest path is through the mud." Dogbert says, "Good, rationalize it with an obtuse metaphor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #friend, #service, #questions, #accidentally, #borrowed, #tool, #lethal, #trap, #qualified, #sea monkeys

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The sign over Dogbert's desk reads, "Dogbert's Find-A-Friend Service." A man says, "I'd like to find a friend." Dogbert says, "Have a seat." Dogbert says, "I need to ask a few questions, so I don't accidentally match you with somebody who's too good for you." Dogbert says, "One: When a friend doesn't return a borrowed tool, do you? a: Make sarcastic comments; b: buy a new tool; c: set a lethal trap." The man answers, "C: Set a lethal trap." Later, Dogbert reads the results of the test and says, "I'm afraid you haven't qualified for a normal friend . . . I could set you up with somebody who's new in town, but it wouldn't last." Dogbert says, "There's one option . . . Two, if you count growing sea monkeys." The man stands at Dilbert's door. Dilbert says, "Yes, I hate sea monkeys too. Who are you?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 1992's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #Dogbert, #poll, #results, #name, #outside, #living, #room, #guy, #kitchen, #discouraged

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Ratbert says to Dogbert, "The poll results are in." Ratbert reads a document and continues, "You still have low name recognition outside of the living room . . . But some guy in the kitchen thinks he's heard of you." Ratbert continues, "Don't be discouraged, uh . . . Uh . . ." Dogbert yells, "Dogbert!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #company, #survey, #attitudes, #anonymous, #retribution, #dog eared, #phone, #Number, #confidential, #green, #pen, #marker, #eskimo, #objectives

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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters and says, "Dilbert, do you have a minute?" The Boss continues, "The company is doing an survey of employee attitudes about their bosses." The Boss continues, "It's totally anonymous, so you don't have to fear any retribution." The Boss opens an envelope and says, "Oops! It looks like your questionnaire is a bit dog-eared." The Boss continues, "I'll put my phone number on the confidential envelope in case you need me." The Boss hands Dilbert a pen and says, "You can use this green marker pen." The Boss adds, "Oh, and I took the liberty of checking off your ethnic background as Eskimo. It's just a statistical thing." Dilbert reads, "1. Does your boss clearly communicate your objectives?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 31, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #Astrology, #stars, #personality, #seasonal, #differences, #sunlight, #natural, #mothers, #predictable, #results, #fetal, #brain, #ancients, #measure, #patterns, #watches

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Dilbert helps Dogbert onto a rock as he says, "It's amazing that people believe in astrology . . . As if the stars could affect your personality." Dogbert replies, "Well, seasonal differences in diet, sunlight and natural rhythms could affect expectant mothers, which could have predictable results on fetal brain development." Dogbert continues, "Maybe the ancients simply used the stars to measure the timing of these patterns." Dilbert asks, "If they were so smart, why didn't they invent watches?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #man, #woman, #zombies, #office, #business-plan

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Dogbert says to the seminar participants, "As a zombie, you must speak in empty generalities." Dogbert continues, "Your business plan might say 'We strive to utilize a variety of techniques to accomplish a broad spectrum of results toward the bottom line.'" A man says, "Hey! My skin is getting clammy and I have the urge to call a meeting!" The man sitting next to him says, "Me too!" Dogbert says, "Good . . . Good . . ."