Secretly Create Viruses Comic Strips - Page 1

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126 Results for Secretly Create Viruses

View 1 - 10 results for secretly create viruses comic strips. Discover the best "Secretly Create Viruses" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 1989's comic on:


Tags #computer, #park, #chemicals, #create, #issues, #technology

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Dilbert sits at his desk and says, "Wow! According to my computer simulation, it should be possible to create new life forms from common household chemicals!" Dogbert says, "This raises some thorny issues." Dilbert asks, "You mean legal, ethical and religious issues?" Dogbert replies, "I was thinking about parking spaces."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #ambush, #victim, #fantasized, #marrying, #rich, #guy, #ditching, #career, #yarn, #sticking, #briefcase, #woman

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Dogbert walks down the sidewalk holding a microphone. Dogbert thinks, "Dogbert the Ambush Reporter looks for another victim." Dogbert approaches a woman carrying a briefcase and asks, "Is it true you have often fantasized about marrying a rich guy and ditching your career?" The woman covers her face with her hands and cries, "Yes!!! Yes!!! And I . . . I . . . Secretly learned to COOK!!" Dogbert asks, "Is that YARN sticking out of your briefcase?!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #reflect, #create, #erasing, #accounting, #budget, #bradley, #troll, #witch, #budget report

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The caption says, "Dilbert is forced to work in the accounting department." Dilbert has turned into a troll. Bradley the Troll says, "First you must understand how numbers change reality . . ." Bradley continues, "Some people think numbers merely REFLECT reality . . . But we believe that numbers CREATE reality." Bradley shows Dilbert a room where an overseer cracks a whip at several other trolls. Bradley says, "This our budget-erasing room . . ." The supervisor yells, "Erase faster!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 1990's comic on:


Tags #garbage man, #die, #cloning, #machine, #design, #math, #errors, #Dogbert, #Dilbert

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The garbage man asks Dogbert, "Not much garbage . . . Did somebody die?" Dogbert replies, "Dilbert went to the compost pile in the sky." The garbage man reads a piece of paper and says, "Bad timing . . . Judging from last week's garbage, he had almost finished his cloning machine design. I only notice a few linear math errors." The garbage man continues, "This design would just create a hologram and a bad chile con carne recipe." Dogbert says, "Man, you sure know your garbage!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #prisoner, #built, #ladder, #dental, #floss, #rich, #clever

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A prisoner whispers to another prisoner, "Pssst . . . I'm planning an escape." The man continues, "I've secretly built a ladder out of dental floss." The other man replies, "Ha! And they say the rich aren't clever."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #ridiculous, #Dilbert, #supercomputer, #create, #model, #predict, #life, #brain, #chemistry, #patterns, #cause and effect, #free will, #mad, #implies

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Dilbert sits at a desk and works on his supercomputer. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I'm using my new supercomputer to create a model that can predict your entire life." Dilbert continues, "You see, everything, including your brain chemistry, is subject to predictable patterns of cause and effect . . ." Dogbert replies, "That's ridiculous. It implies that we have no free will." Dilbert looks at the monitor and says, "Next, you start getting really mad at me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #modern, #society, #traditions, #future, #generations, #tradition, #people, #annual, #nose, #sausage, #day, #shout, #kalookalah, #sun, #squirrel, #dance

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a stone wall in the park. Dilbert says, "The problem with modern society is that we have no traditions." Dilbert continues, "We should create some traditions for future generations." Dogbert asks, "How do you create a tradition?" Dilbert replies, "Well, you just do something ridiculous every year at the same time." Dilbert continues, "Eventually other people join in and then it's a tradition." Dogbert says, "Ooh, how about 'Annual Nose-Sausage Day'? You dress in colorful robes and stick sausages in your nose!" Dilbert says, "Yes, yes . . . And we'll do a squirrel dance and shout 'kaloo--kalah' at the sun!" Dilbert says, "Or maybe not." Dogbert says, "You lost me with the squirrel dance."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #photographers, #embarassing, #pictures, #celebrities, #photos, #situation, #crawford, #reupulsed

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Dilbert sits in his chair reading "I Spy" and Dogbert sits on the hassock reading a book. Dilbert says, "I don't understand why photographers try so hard to get embarrassing pictures of celebrities." Dilbert continues, "Heck, I could just scan the celebrity photos into my computer and create any embarrassing situation you can think of." Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the computer. Dogbert says, "I think Cindy Crawford should look more repulsed." Dilbert replies, "This is before we kiss."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #business meeting, #performance review

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Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss asks, "So, what have you accomplished this year?" Dilbert thinks, "I hate performance reviews." Dilbert replies, "Well, I used my empowerment to create a new paradigm." Dilbert continues, "And I teamed across functional boundaries to improve quality." Dilbert continues, "I dare say I was customer-focused and market-driven!" Dilbert holds his arms out and says, "I proactively found excellence in the midst of chaos!" Dilbert continues, "I re-engineered my core processes and embraced change!" Dilbert stands up and bows. He says, "I give you - Dilbert - the perfect employee!" The Boss asks, "Was that sarcasm?" Dilbert replies, "To be honest, I don't know either."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 1994's comic on:


Tags #choke on donut, #psychic powers, #bob in office

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Dilbert: Is Bob in his office? Carol: Since Bob's office is all of twenty feet away, I'll have to use my psychic powers to determine the answer. Dilbert: I could go look. Carol: Bob hates you, He secretly wishes you'd choke on a donut.