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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert asks, "Well? What do you think of my new poem?" Dogbert replies, "I once read that given infinite time, a thousand monkeys with typewriters would eventually write the entire works of Shakespeare." Dilbert asks, "But what about MY poem?" Dogbert replies, "Three monkeys, ten minutes."
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I got a chain letter." Dogbert says, "Those are illegal." Dilbert says, "I've never broken a law in my whole life, but I'm tempted to try this." Dogbert says, "One suggestion." Dogbert continues, "Maybe for your first crime you shouldn't put your name and address on it and distribute it to ten thousand strangers."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "If I stay with my company for ten years, I get a watch and lunch with my boss." Dogbert asks, "What do you get for twenty years?" Dilbert replies, "Lunch without my boss."
Dilbert sits on an examining table in a doctor's office. The doctor says, "Normally I'd give you six months to live." The physician continues, "But we're having a '50% off sale' today, so I'll give you a full year for the same price." Dilbert lies back on the table. The doctor says, "And you get an extra ten days if you pay cash!"
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the desk. Dogbert says, "I've decided to write down all of the so-called 'unwritten rules.'" Dogbert looks at a piece of paper and says, "So far I have 'Don't phone after ten p.m.' and . . . Uh . . ." Dilbert asks, "That's it?" Dogbert asks, "How about 'Don't throw porcupines in a balloon store?'"
Dogbert sits on his pillow playing a guitar. Dilbert asks, "What's all the racket?" Dogbert replies, "I'm singing the 'greens.'" Dilbert asks, "Is that like the 'blues?'" Dogbert replies, "Same beat, just not so darned depressing." Dogbert sings, "Oooh . . . My car needs a tune up and I overslept ten minutes baaabee . . ."
The caption says, "Dogbert performs a scientific test of so-called 'women's intuition.'" Dogbert and a woman sit at a table. Dogbert says, "I'm thinking of a number between one and ten." The woman says, "5.1362894 . . . No, I'll say three." Dogbert says, "Wrong! The answer is 5.1362894 . . . I'm beginning to wonder if you're really a woman."
A man stands at the counter in "Burger Queen." The sign over the counter advertises a "99 cent special." The man says to the person behind the cash register, "Only 99 cents?!! Ha ha ha!! Give me ten thousand of them! For HERE!!" Dogbert stands behind the man thinking, "These lottery winners are really starting to bug me."
Dilbert stands in the express line at the supermarket. The cashier says to the old woman in front of Dilbert, "This looks like a lot more than ten items, ma'am." The woman replies, "It doesn't matter. I'm old and you must do as I say." The woman continues, "I have some coupons for totally unrelated products and a fourth-party personal check from North Yemen." The woman reaches into her purse and says, "They're hopelessly lost in my bag. I'll rummage while you all wait." As she rummages, her head disappears into the bag. She says, "What the . . ." The store clerk watches as the woman screams and falls into the pocketbook. The clerk tells Dilbert, "Wild coyotes in the handbag . . . I've seen this before." A dog barks and burps inside the bag.
The caption says, "How to be a boring person." Dogbert faces the reader and says, "Our fist demonstration is called 'listing things because you can.'" Dilbert says, "I like the numbers that are divisable by two . . . For instance four . . . And ten . . . And sixteen and eight . . . And twelve . . . And, uh . . . Forty . . . And ten, or did I already say ten?" Dogbert says, "Now act confused and start over, using your fingers as if that helps." Dilbert says, "Okay, four . . . And ten . . ."