2 Days Comic Strips - Page 1
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256 Results for 2 Days
View 1 - 10 results for 2 days comic strips. Discover the best "2 Days" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday November 01,
2020
Can You Zoom Now
Tags #business, #technology, #text message, #video conference, #zoom, #call, #response, #anger, #lack of response
Transcript
dilbert sending text: are you available for a zoom call? dilbert thinking: he's typing something. nope, he stopped. okay, he's typing again. no, he stopped again. block of text: i'm available at 2 p.m. tomorrow, Thursday at 9 a.m., or next week any time after three, and now. dilbert sending text: perfect. how about now? dilbert thinking: answer coming. no, he stopped typing. ten minutes later: dilbert angry and yelling: answer me, you jerk!!! thirty minutes later: text answer: does now work? dilbert yelling: too late!!!
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Sunday October 18,
2020
When To Reply To Boss Text
Tags #boss, #business, #communication, #performance, #response, #review, #sarcasm, #spreadsheet, #technology, #text
Transcript
wally: how long should i wait before responding to a text message from my boss? dilbert: that depends. are you already overworked? wally: um, sure. dilbert: do you need to teach him a lesson for any unrelated things he did? wally: always. dilbert: do you dislike him in general? wally: yes. dilbert: lastly, how many months until your next performance review? wally: seven. dilbert: okay....putting those inputs into my spreadsheet. you can wait 27 minutes before responding. wally: oh. i was hoping it would be closer to five days. dilbert: when did he text you? wally: i believe it was august.
Sunday October 04,
2020
Golden Age For Wally
Tags #6 feet, #avoid, #coffee, #eye contact, #face mask, #grocery shopping, #office workers, #social distancing, #upgrade, #Women
Transcript
wally at coffee pot talking to Dilbert:: social distancing has been a great upgrade to my life. in the old days, women avoided me by at least ten feet. now i often get within seven. i think it's because i'm better-looking with most of my face covered. especially if i wear a hat and sunglasses. and i learned that women will talk to me if i walk the wrong way down a grocery aisle. they're usually complaining but at least they make eye contact. it's sort of a golden age for people like me.
Wednesday July 01,
2020
Cooties Contact Tracing
Tags #2 weeks, #contact, #cooties, #doctor, #doctors' offices, #infect, #physical, #tracing, #Women, #zero
Transcript
doctor: we need to do contact tracing to determine who else you might have infected with cooties. how may women have you had physical contact with in the past two weeks? dilbert: i'd rather not say. doctor: i'll put you down for zero.
Tuesday June 16,
2020
Dilbert Cares Not For Safety
Tags #argument, #office workers, #safety, #sarcasm
Transcript
Dilbert: ...And we can get that all installed in thirty days. Man: Why do you not care about safety? Dilbert: Literally everyone cares about safety. Man: Then why didn't you mention it? DIlbert: Blah, blah, safety. Happy? "Continued..."
Friday May 08,
2020
Version 2 Kills
Tags #business, #upgrade, #software, #technology, #version, #health, #issue, #nonsense
Transcript
wally with face mask giving presentation: according to our newest data, 100% of the people who upgraded to version 2.0 of our software died the same day. wally to boss: but we don't think it means anything because all of them had underlying health issues. boss: how did they all have underlying health issues? wally: version 1.0 had some rough edges too.
Tuesday April 14,
2020
Working On Vacation
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #work, #vacation, #scold, #enjoy, #behind, #train, #broken
Transcript
dilbert: do you mind if i come to work on my vacation days? i hate being scolded for being behind in my work more that i enjoy taking vacations. boss: it seems i have trained you well. dilbert: no, i'm just broken.
Wednesday February 12,
2020
Upgrade Schedule
Tags #business, #vendor, #network, #upgrade, #allocating, #technology
Transcript
vendor: we should be able to finish the network upgrade in about three months. dilbert: when you bid for the job. you said it would take thirty days. vendor: if we're allocating blame. i'm not the one who was dumb enough to believe me.
Sunday December 22,
2019
Wally Uses Deep Fake
Tags #video, #conference, #call, #technology, #elbonian, #affordable
Transcript
dilbert: i liked what you said on the video conference call yesterday. i've never seen you so engaged and helpful. wally: that wasn't me. that was "deep fake wally." i created him to do all of my video calls. and i hired an elbonian to do all my coding jobs for a very affordable price. wally: these days. i only come to the office for the free coffee. dilbert: and the camaraderie? wally: sure.
Saturday August 03,
2019
When Can You Meet
Tags #business, #meetings, #office workers
Transcript
dilbert: when can you meet tomorrow? alice: anytime. dilbert: how about 2 pm? alice: no, that doesn't work. dilbert: i guess we're going to do this the hard way.