Accept The Things Can't Change Comic Strips - Page 1

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772 Results for Accept The Things Can't Change

View 1 - 10 results for accept the things can't change comic strips. Discover the best "Accept The Things Can't Change" comics from Dilbert.com.

C Level Sacrifice

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C Level Sacrifice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #political issues, #stock market, #technology, #brand, #board, #fire, #Politics, #ruin, #human, #sacrifice, #chief technology officer, #performance, #employment

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catbert: the board wants to fire you for speaking out about politics and ruining our brand. ceo: ask if they'll accept a c-level human sacrifice instead. catbert: they said yes. ceo: now fire my cto and tell him it's something about his performance.

Marriage Takes Work

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Marriage Takes Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #communication, #marriage, #talk, #bigot, #job, #gay, #homosexual, #work

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dilbert: before we get married, we need to talk about a few things. first, i'm only marrying you to prove i'm not a bigot and to save my job. second, neither of us is gay. elbonian man: they say marriage takes work.

Dick Tells A Rumor

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Dick Tells A Rumor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #workplace, #coworkers, #people, #gossip, #malice, #slander, #pointless, #pain, #nemesis, #office workers

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dick: hi, i'm dick, your workplace nemesis. dilbert: i know who you are. dick: people are saying terrible things about you behind your back, but i can't tell you who they are or what they are saying. dilbert: what is the point of telling me that? dick: have i mentioned i feed on your pain.

Project On Hold

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Project On Hold - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #project, #hold, #opposite, #Opinion, #change, #football, #analogy, #goalpost, #fact, #laptop, #video call

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dilbert on video call. dilbert: and that's why we should put the project on hold for now. voice from laptop: hahahaha! that's exactly the opposite of what you said last week. dilbert: i sometimes change my opinions when the facts change. how do you play it? voice from laptop: now you're moving the goalposts.

Think About Long Term

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Think About Long Term - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #long term, #dynamics, #reasonable, #random, #decision, #job, #employment

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office worker: we need to think longer term about how all of these dynamics play out. dilbert: sounds reasonable. what exactly were we doing before? office worker: i can't speak for anyone else, but i was making random decisions and hoping i'd change jobs before anyone found out.

Destroy The Competition

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Destroy The Competition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #destroy, #competition, #approve, #violence, #figure of speech, #engineers, #literal, #competitors, #beat, #sticks, #sarcasm, #incite, #figurative, #speech

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boss: we need to destroy our competition! dilbert: i don't approve of violence. boss: i didn't say anything about violence. dilbert: you said "destroy" them. i don't see how that could mean anything else. boss: it was just a figure of speech. dilbert waving arms: we're engineers! you can't use figurative speech with us. we take things literally. so, what exactly is it you want us to do with our competitors? boss: beat them! dilbert: with sticks?

Industry Trends

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Industry Trends - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #industry, #trend, #luck, #act, #fast, #change, #increase, #profits, #advantage, #future, #bogus, #training, #program, #company

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in board room. boss: industry trends just turned our way by total luck. we have to act fast! i need to implement some kind of change so it looks as if i caused the increase in profits that will happen anyway. does anyone have any ideas? dilbert: no, because we're already perfectly situated to take advantage of the trend. boss upset: that doesn't help me! i can't take credit for our future profits unless i do something i can say made a difference. dilbert: maybe you could implement some sort of bogus company culture training program. one week later. dogbert presenting on a stage: it's important to realize you're all idiots.

Virus From Where

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Virus From Where - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #health & safety, #office workers, #virus, #beard, #fuzzy, #hat, #country, #release, #luxembourg, #elbonian

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dilbert: there's a new virus that kills everyone who doesn't have a beard and a tall, fuzzy hat. wally: what country would release a virus like that? elbonian man: i'm hearing bad things about luxembourg.

Still Get Paid

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Still Get Paid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #colleagues, #unreliable, #false, #true, #paid, #process, #believe, #sarcasm

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tina: i've been keeping a running list, and it seems that 100% of the things you told me this year have been false. wally: and we both got paid, so what's your point? tina: i...don't know how to process that. wally: i'd tell you, but apparently you wouldn't believe me.

Vaccine

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Vaccine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #covid-19, #sarcasm, #vaccine, #pharma, #company, #target, #safety, #efficacy

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boss: i'm happy to announce that our company has produced a vaccine for covid-19. dilbert: how did we do that? we're not even a pharma company. boss: i'm not going to lie. we had to cut some corners to get it done. dilbert: such as... boss: well, for example... we couldn't meet every single target we hoped to achieve. dilbert: how many targets did we miss? boss: only two things. dilbert: safety and efficacy? boss: okay, four things.