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dilbert: i just spent thirty minutes admiring the beauty of the slide deck i created yesterday. i'm going back for another round after i hydrate. voice from outside frame: what's it like having no friends and no purpose? dilbert: it's a lot better than you'd think.
boss talking toward laptop: tomorrow is casual day for remote workers. most of you already dress like roadkill, but see if you can take it down another level. voice from laptop: why are you doing this to us? boss: i hear it builds morale.
dilbert on zoom call with boss. boss: we're having another zoom meeting at 4 p.m. dilbert: what's the topic? boss: its about how i fill the deep emptiness of my soul by scheduling zoom meetings. dilbert: have you tried overeating? that seems to work for me.
applicant: i majored in elbonian literature in college. which is extra challenging because i don't speak elbonian and none of the books are translated. dilbert: how did you get a degree in elbonian literature without reading any? applicant: i'm a great test-taker.
wally: it might seem as though i accomplished very little this year. and that's true. but i also have a trove of opposition research on my co-workers. boss: what? wally: ranking employees against one another was your best idea ever.
boss: we're getting major blowback on social media for your press release condemning elbonian sweatshop labor. ceo: it's an important issue. boss: it's also how we make all of our products. ceo: in my defense, someone should have told me that.
dilbert on video call. dilbert: has anyone herd from our ceo since the pandemic started? voices from the laptop: maybe the virus got him. no. not me. next frame has ceo thinking in another location: well, it looks like another lonely day of looking for the zoom button.
Dilbert yelling: dogbert! can you keep down the noise while i'm on zoom! dogbert standing on chair: i'm on a zoom call too. your call isn't more important than mine! dilbert speaking to his laptop: sorry, i can't stop the background noise. dogbert yelling from another room: can you keep it down in there? i'm on a zoom call.
boss: dilbert: i need to fire you for your social media activities. dilbert: did i say something offensive? boss: i'm getting reports that you follow bad people on twitter. dilbert: i follow people on both sides of every issue so i can see the full context. boss: that might sound good on paper, but half of the people you follow are monsters of one sort or another. dilbert: isn't it obvious that enforcing this kind of standard can only lead in a bad direction. boss: no, i don't see that at all. all i see is that you associate with people who are monsters. ceo to boss: i'm getting reports that you follow dilbert on twitter.