At Odds With Words Comic Strips - Page 1
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man with red apron: would you like to join our frequent victims club? dilbert: no, i just want to buy this beverage. man: you could save a dollar if you join now. it only takes a minute. dilbert: i don't want you tracking my purchases and selling my data. man: i you don't sign up, my colleagues and i will pester you to do it every time you try to buy something. dilbert: i'll take my business elsewhere! man: no. you won't. because other stores are just as bad as we are. dilbert: i am not a victim! man: tell that to the customer survey i'm about to pester you into doing.
wally on video call with catbert: catbert: i'm issuing you a warning for your unsafe workplace. wally: i work from home. you've never seen where i live. catbert: i'm judging by your personality. you're too lazy to clean anything up, so by now it's a toxic dump. wally: that's a lucky guess. catbert: and you're too lazy to close your curtains, so by now your neighbors want to murder you. wally: that's two lucky guesses.
dilbert and dogbert walking outside. dogbert: they say most people meet their future mates at work. now that you are working from home, your odds of mating just turned negative. you could try using a dating app to find a woman, but then you'd need to rely on your looks. obviously, that's a dead end. your best chance of reproduction has always been to wear down a co-worker over several years. women need time to get over your appearance, and to appreciate your inner qualities. we should have a goodbye party for your genes. dilbert: maybe next time we could walk and not talk. dogbert: maybe.
boss on video call. boss: our new policy is that employees cannot date each other unless they register with human resources. this won't have much impact on my department because most of you are completely undatable. voice from laptop: ouch. boss: there's a link for details, but you won't need it.
boss in meeting with dilbert and wally. boss: thank you for your suggestions on what we should do instead of shaking hands. i'd like to read a few. and we can take a vote. well, it seems that all of your suggestions are obscene. wally raised hand: i vote yes
boss and alice on video call. boss: how did your zoom call with the client work out? alice: i lost all respect for him after seeing his poorly staged bookshelves in the background. but we'll still take his money, right? alice: yes, he doesn't deserve to keep any of it.
tina: dilbert is always interrupting me because i'm a woman. how do you deal with it when he interrupts you? alice: he doesn't interrupt me. tina: that makes no sense. he interrupts me because i'm a woman, and you're a woman...so... alice: maybe he doesn't interrupt me because i make sense when i talk. whereas you're more of a babbling nincompoop and a notorious ruiner of meetings. tina: well, i certainly don't know where you... alice: let's head back now. tina: you interrupted me! alice: try to spot the pattern.
dilbert with dogbert on video call. dilbert: what a waste of time this zoom meeting is. i hate dealing with imbeciles. voice from laptop: your mic is on. dogbert: could have been worse.
alice: can you adjust your camera so i'm not looking up your nose? okay, now can you adjust your lighting so you don't look like a lightbulb with a beard? voice from laptop: how's my audio? alice: it's as good as your ideas.