Choked To Death Comic Strips - Page 1

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235 Results for Choked To Death

View 1 - 10 results for choked to death comic strips. Discover the best "Choked To Death" comics from Dilbert.com.

Authority On Your Opinion

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Authority On Your Opinion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #disagreements, #Opinion, #sarcasm, #change, #debate, #authority, #hallucinating, #lying, #stupid, #gaslight, #insult, #face mask

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co-worker: why have you changed your opinion since last week? dilbert: i haven't changed my opinion. co-worker: no, it was different last week. dilbert: are we really debating which one of us is a better authority on my opinion? co-worker: you might be lying about not changing your opinion. dilbert: and you might be hallucinating or lying or just stupid. co-worker: you might be trying to gaslight me right now. i'm glad we can have these honest talks. dilbert: i hope you plunge to your death in a freak elevator accident.

Ceo Does Math

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Ceo Does Math - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #death & dying, #diseases, #earth, #humans, #sarcasm, #pandemic, #virus

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CEO: Why is everyone so panicked about coronavirus when maybe only 1% who get it will die? Catbert: One percent of the population of Earth would be...77 million dead. CEO: Yes, but the whole world won't get it. Catbert: They will if they listen to you.

Ceo Has Pandemic Plan

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Ceo Has Pandemic Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #video conference, #stock market, #money, #rich, #lost, #pandemic, #health, #underpay, #stategy

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ceo on video conference: i used to be rich, but i lost it all in the stock market crash during the pandemic. luckily, i can make up the difference by working you idiots to death while underpaying you. video chat: we thought you didn't have a strategy. ceo: i just don't like to talk about it.

Diet Preferences

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Diet Preferences - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conference room, #office workers, #chitchat, #bore, #diet, #preferences

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dilbert thinking as walking into conference room: oh, no. i'm here too early. there will be chitchat. dilbert sitting empty conference room: someone is going to bore me to death talking about their diet preferences. ted: i only eat figs. dilbert thinking: kill me. kill me. kill me.

Death In The Family

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Death In The Family - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #carol, #Catbert, #death, #Family, #dies, #specific

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Carol: Can I take time off for a death in the family? Catbert: Well, it depends who dies. Carol: Can you be more specific? Catbert: It has to be you.

Ted Dies From Chair

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Ted Dies From Chair - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #the boss, #ted, #treadmill, #alice, #exercise ball, #kneeling chair, #ergonomics

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Catbert: Ted got thrown from his treadmill desk, bounced off of alice's exercise ball chair, and broke his neck on a kneeling chair. The cause of death is listed as, "good ergonomics." On the plus side, his posture was excellent.

Wally Mentors To Death

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Wally Mentors To Death - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #asok, #Wally, #successful, #definition, #minimum, #alive, #employed, #comas, #ruling

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Asok: Have you ever mentored anyone who went on to be successful? Wally: Depends on your definition of success. Asok: Well, at minimum, they'd need to be alive and gainfully employed. Wally: What's your ruling on comas?

Death By Ninjas Is Best

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Death By Ninjas Is Best - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ninja, #hit man, #optimism, #frustration, #irony

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Wally: Why aren't you worried about the Elbonian ninjas who are reportedly coming here to kill you in your sleep? Dilbert: That's the best way to die. I won't care about anything after I'm gone, so this is the ideal scenario for me. Elbonian 1: He's ruining everything with his cheery attitude. Elbonian 2: Let's see how he likes another thirty years in a cubicle.

Reincarnation Advice

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Reincarnation Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #motivation, #reincarnation, #death, #fussiness, #medical

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Narrator: Dogbert's Life Advice. Dogbert: I've reviewed your file. Your best bet is to live an unhealthy lifestyle, die young, and hope reincarnation is real. Man: Is it real? Dogbert: All I know for sure is that dead people are less fuss than you.

Dogbert Sells Life Advice

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Dogbert Sells Life Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #motivation, #meaning, #existentialism

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Asok: How do I find meaning in my life? Dogbert: Nothing has meaning. The best you can do is postpone your own lonely and painful death. Asok: Are you saying I should take care of my health? Dogbert: What answer gets me the best review on Yelp?!