Computer Chip Comic Strips - Page 1

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640 Results for Computer Chip

View 1 - 10 results for computer chip comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Chip" comics from Dilbert.com.

Your Quote Is High

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Your Quote Is High - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #computer software, #office, #sales, #sales personnel, #quote

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dilbert: your quote is a bit high. can you do it cheaper? salesman: yes, we offer a low-cost option that involves me talking about the software, but you can't have it. dilbert: what would be the point of that? salesman: you're the one who brought it up.

How Long Will It Take

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How Long Will It Take - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2019's comic on:


Tags #computer software, #office, #office workers

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the boss: how long will it take to fix the bug? dilbert: that depends. how long will you stand behind me and interrupt me? the boss: how should i know? i can't see the future?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2019's comic on:


Tags #computer software, #computers, #intelligence, #technology, #trick, #humans

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Dilbert: I created a simulated world made entirely of software. I programmed all of the people in the simulation to think they are real people with free will. Dogbert: Are they sentient beings? Dilbert: They think they are. Dogbert: What if they discover their true nature? Dilbert: I programmed limits into their physics so they can never observe the walls of their reality. For example, they can't get to the edge of their universe because they can't exceed the speed of light. And they can't find out what they are made of because, to them, it looks like probability at the quantum level. Dogbert: Wouldn't those limits tip of the smart ones? Dilbert: I coded them to not trust smart people.

Small Managers

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Small Managers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #computer software, #engineering, #frustration, #office workers, #sarcasm, #clients

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Boss: I told a customer we would make a small change to the software for them. Dilbert: There are no small software changes, only small managers. Boss: Dang it! Why does that sound so wise!

How Long To Make Ai

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How Long To Make Ai  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2019's comic on:


Tags #computers, #engineering, #intelligence, #office workers, #sarcasm, #technology, #robots, #humans

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Boss: How long would it take you to create artificial intelligence that is as smart as humans? Dilbert: It shouldn't take me long to dumb-down a computer to human levels. Boss: What? Dilbert: It might take five minutes, tops.

Complaining About Ted

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Complaining About Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2018's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #computer software, #engineering, #office, #office workers

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Dilbert: I took over Ted's software project. Everything he did was inefficient and stupid. Okay, we're done here. I'm checking you off my list. Alice: How many people are you complaining to? Dilbert: I trimmed the list to three hundred.

Bad Mouthing Ted's Code

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Bad Mouthing Ted's Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #computer software, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #technology

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Boss: I want you to take over Ted's software upgrade. Can you finish that in a week? Dilbert: Are you kidding? It will take a week just to bad-mouth his existing code to everyone within walking distance. Boss: Is that part necessary? Dilbert: Like water to a fish.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2018's comic on:


Tags #carol, #Wally, #computer, #problem, #crumbs, #crosstalk, #protocols, #help

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Carol: Wally, can you help me with a computer problem? Wally: People usually don't ask me for help. Carol: Why is that? Wally: You'll find out. Carol: I can't log in to the server. Wally: I'll need to ask you a few questions. Have you ever eaten food near your computer. Carol: Um... Yes. Wally: That's your problem. Wally: Your crumbs are causing crosstalk on the protocols. Carol: Is this why no one asks you for help? Wally: It's in the top ten.

Social Media Ads To Influence

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Social Media Ads To Influence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 12, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #brain-reading, #computer, #social media, #profile, #friends, #testing, #influence, #cyborg, #ridiculous, #phone

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Dilbert: My brain-reading computer is checking your social media profile and finding your friends. I am now testing social media posts to see which ones influence them to recommend that to you date a cyborg. Woman: That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever. Dilbert: check your phone.

Resistance Is Futile

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Resistance Is Futile - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #invention, #thoughts, #computer, #commands, #individual, #part, #collective, #internet, #sexy, #resistance, #futile

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Dilbert: My invention can read my thoughts and turn them into computer commands. I'm no longer an individual. Now I'm part of the collective internet mind. Woman: That is the least sexy thing I have ever heard. Dilbert: