Every Day Retribution Comic Strips - Page 1
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932 Results for Every Day Retribution
View 1 - 10 results for every day retribution comic strips. Discover the best "Every Day Retribution" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday August 28,
2019
Inexperienced Employee Advice
Tags #criticism, #employees, #irritation, #office workers, #sarcasm, #experience, #arrogant
Transcript
Man: Hi, I'm an inexperienced employee who tells experienced employees how to do their jobs. I compensate for my lack of experience with a thing called arrogance. Dilbert: That sounds worth-less. Man: Oh, yeah? Then why does every company have one of me?
Saturday August 17,
2019
Tags #apple, #criticism, #employees, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #steve jobs, #work
Transcript
Boss: I've decided to be more like Steve Jobs. I want all of you to work day and night or else I will humiliate you in front of your peers. Dilbert: I quit. Alice: I quit. Boss: Would it work better if I wore a black shirt?
Sunday August 11,
2019
New Cubicles
Transcript
boss: are you enjoying your new cubicles? alice: my old cubicle had a window view. my new cubicle is in a windowless room with gray walls. it's always too cold, and i'm surrounded by noisy people i dislike. i feel anxious, unhealthy, and depressed all day long. thanks to the office relocation, my life has become a rapid descent into madness. boss: on the plus side, we saved five precent in rent. no one ever likes to hear about the plus side.
Sunday July 28,
2019
Bad Hair Day
Tags #angry, #boss, #employees, #employment, #hair, #hairstyles, #meetings, #threat, #warning
Transcript
Boss: Alice, why aren't you at this meeting? Alice: I'm having a bad hair day. Boss: That's no reason to miss a meeting! Alice: You don't understand. It's really, really bad. Boss: Come to the meeting right now, or you're fired! Gurk! Dilbert: That's bad hair. Alice: Can't say I didn't warn him.
Tuesday July 23,
2019
The New Consultant
Friday July 12,
2019
Unforseen Risks
Tags #blame, #boss, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #risks
Transcript
Boss: How can you be sure there are no unforeseen risks with this plan? Dilbert: It is not possible to know if one has considered every risk. Therefore, we can never be sure. Boss: So...I can still blame you for any problems that pop up? Dilbert: Yes, that part of the process is still intact.
Saturday July 06,
2019
Wally Uses Speakerphonetif
Tags #cell phone, #office, #office workers, #speaker phone, #voice-texting, #click
Transcript
the boss: i asked you to stop using your speaker-phone because it was disturbing your co-workers. the boss: now they tell me you started doing voice-texting, which is even worse. wally: okay fine. later that day. alice visually upset and yelling: turn off your keyboard click sound! wally's cell phone: click click click.
Tuesday June 25,
2019
Encouraging Smoking
Tags #business, #meeting, #office, #office workers, #smoking, #turnover, #breaks
Transcript
dibert, the boss and ask at conference table. the boss: our plan for reducing turnover is to encourage smoking. the boss: that way, everyone gets a relaxing smoke break several times per day. dilbert: or non-smokers could take breaks. the boss: now i wish you had been in the meeting when we planned this.
Monday June 24,
2019
How To Reduce Turnover
Tuesday June 18,
2019
App For Random Praise
Tags #business, #cell phone, #criticism, #office, #praise
Transcript
the boss: i've stopped trying to understand what you do all day long. the boss: now i use an app that reminds me at random times to praise you or to criticize you. alice: that is the dumbest thing you have ever done. the bosses cell phone: ping! the boss: keep up the good work!