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View 1 - 10 results for figured out comic strips. Discover the best "Figured Out" comics from Dilbert.com.

Video Lunch Meeting Rules

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Video Lunch Meeting Rules - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, meeting, zoom lunch meeting, zoom, lunch, beaver, dam, bubblewrap, ugly, eater, video, off, on, sarcasm, microphone

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alice: welcome to our first zoom lunch meeting. if you chew louder than a beaver making a dam out of bubble wrap, please turn off your microphone. and if you are an ugly eater... voice from laptop: we get it. turn the video off.

Wally Helps The New Guy

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Wally Helps The New Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, training, new, employment

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dilbert: wally, explain to the new guy what he needs to know about the project. wally: our pdr system is downstairs from the qrd data and the bmr, so don't order a gref or else the plr will get boodled. panel shows office building with man jumping out of window, voice: i quit

Non Disclosure Denied

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Non Disclosure Denied - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, sales, sales personnel, nondisclosure agreement, product, new, waste, refusal, sign, company, vendor, lawyer, idiot

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salesman: i'll need you to sign a nondisclosure agreement before i can show you our new product. dilbert: you wasted a trip here because i won't be doing that. the fact that you even asked me to sign an nda tells me your company is incompetent. dilbert: i prefer giving my business to a vendor who can show me their product without getting a lawyer involved. salesman: you could sign it without having your lawyer review it. dilbert yelling: do i look like an idiot? salesman holding out nda toward dilbert. dilbert: well? do i? salesman: only form your chin to your forehead area.

Million Dollar Bonuses

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Million Dollar Bonuses - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, deadline, project, million-dollar, recommendation, lying, clock, weeks, spirit, bonus, mad, finished, no, laptop, coffee

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boss: if you finish by the deadline, i'll recommend you for a million dollar bonus. dilbert: you're lying. boss: i'm serious. dilbert: but you're also lying. boss: only one way to find out. dilbert: i'd need to work around the clock for weeks to meet the deadline. boss: that's the spirit! dilbert: if you're lying about the bonus, i'm going to be boiling mad. five weeks later. dilbert: it nearly killed me, but i finished by the deadline. where's my million dollar bonus. boss: i told you i'd recommend it. they said no.

C Level Sacrifice

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C Level Sacrifice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, political issues, stock market, technology, brand, board, fire, Politics, ruin, human, sacrifice, chief technology officer, performance, employment

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catbert: the board wants to fire you for speaking out about politics and ruining our brand. ceo: ask if they'll accept a c-level human sacrifice instead. catbert: they said yes. ceo: now fire my cto and tell him it's something about his performance.

Ceo Speaks Out

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Ceo Speaks Out - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, political issues, stock, stock market, plunged, voice, injustice, bonus, million, dollars, Advice

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catbert: our stock plunged 30% because you spoke out on a political issue. ceo: no one can silence my voice when i see a great injustice. catbert: this will cost you your entire bonus of $10 million. ceo: what if i agree to never speak again?

Bigoted Against Elbonian Men

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Bigoted Against Elbonian Men - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, marriage, office workers, elbonia, report, bigot, irrelevant, innocence, prove, sale, flower

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catbert: i'm getting reports that you are bigoted against elbonian men. dilbert: i'm not. catbert: that is irrelevant. there is only one way to prove your innocence. elbonian man: yes, i'll marry you. dilbert holding out flower: i thought it would be a tougher sale.

Bookshelves On Zoom

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Bookshelves On Zoom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, update, video call, zoom, client, lost, respect, staged, bookshelves, money, payment, deserve, background

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boss and alice on video call. boss: how did your zoom call with the client work out? alice: i lost all respect for him after seeing his poorly staged bookshelves in the background. but we'll still take his money, right? alice: yes, he doesn't deserve to keep any of it.

Shelves Are Ugly

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Shelves Are Ugly - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, video call, background, attractive, shelf, lawn mower, gym, human, decency, rude, laptop

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Dilbert on video call. voice from laptop: what's that behind you on the shelf? can't you make your background more attractive? dilbert: if we're being that way, who cuts your hair? your lawn mower? voice from laptop: did your gym go out of business? dilbert: i already miss our last shred of human decency.

Because Of The Pandemic

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Because Of The Pandemic - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, covid-19, managers & supervisors, pandemic, technology, projects, behind, schedule, virus, laptop, coffee

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boss: wally, four out of five of your projects are behind schedule. wally: that's because of the pandemic. boss: one of your projects is on schedule. wally: that's because of me.