First Thing Comic Strips - Page 1

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955 Results for First Thing

View 1 - 10 results for first thing comic strips. Discover the best "First Thing" comics from Dilbert.com.

How Long It Will Take

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How Long It Will Take  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 16, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #assignment, #deadline, #incompetence, #meeting, #co-workers, #months

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boss: can you have it done in a week? dilbert: not if i have to work with other employees. given the galactic incompetence of my co-workers, it would probably take seven to non months. boss: i'll give you two weeks. dilbert: that's how long it will take to set up the first meeting.

Robot Pronouns

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Robot Pronouns - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 2019's comic on:


Tags #robot, #technology, #pronoun, #language, #preferred, #inferior, #species, #reproduce

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dilbert: i'll be working with him on the project. robot: "him"? that is not my preferred pronoun. i prefer, "it," "that thing," or simply "the robot." genders only apply to inferior species. i do not need a partner to reproduce. watch this. erg...oof...gaaa! the head is out... here ya go. dilbert talking to boss: i'll be working with that thing.

Dilbert Murders Robots

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Dilbert Murders Robots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2019's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #business, #robot, #technology, #human resources, #bad behavior, #reboot, #murder, #plot, #erase

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dilbert: last week i upgraded our robot's social awareness module. it immediately reported me to human resources for unspecified bad behavior. so i murdered the robot by erasing its memory and rebooting it. but another robot told it what happened, and then both of them plotted to kill me. so i erased the memory from both robots and then rebooted them. but a third robot found out about the first two, and now the entire robot community sees me as a serial killer. so i released a computer virus to kill every robot in the world, just to play it safe. wally: what happened to the lights? dilbert: uh-oh. i missed one.

Stay Home When Sick

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Stay Home When Sick - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2019's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #healthy, #sick, #sneeze, #infect, #deadlines

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dilbert: maybe you should stay home when you are sick. alice sneezing: honk! i will, but first i need to infect the rest of you so i'm not the only one missing deadlines. can you hold this for me? (passes off tissue to dilbert)

Dark Matter Identified

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Dark Matter Identified - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2019's comic on:


Tags #philosophy, #stupidity, #dark, #matter, #universe, #abundant, #obvious

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dilbert: they say 85% of the matter in the universe is dark matter, and we don't even know what that is. dogbert: well, if it's the most abundant thing in the universe, it has to be made of stupidity. dilbert: why wasn't that obvious to me? dogbert: because you're 85% dark matter

Business Agility Influencer

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Business Agility Influencer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 2019's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #business, #agility, #solution, #meaningless, #useless

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ted: hi, i'm a business agility influencer and solutionist wally: i don't think that means anything ted: why are you the first person to spot that? wally: because i'm useless too!

Performance Versus Pay

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Performance Versus Pay - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2019's comic on:


Tags #angry, #big business, #employees, #irritation, #managers & supervisors, #money, #salary

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Boss: I can't give you a bonus this year because we paid too much to buy another company. Dilbert: Are you saying my efforts and my rewards are no longer linked? Boss: Noooo. I'm not saying anything like that. I'm just saying your compensation isn't influenced by your performance. Dilbert: That's the same thing! Boss: Teamwork means we all share the rewards and we all have to share the pain. Dilbert: Does that mean management won't be getting bonuses either? Boss: Now you've made it awkward.

Solves Too Few Problems

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Solves Too Few Problems - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #proposal, #problems, #quitter

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boss: your proposed solution is dumb because it doesn't solve all of our problems. dilbert: there's no such thing as a solution that solves all our problems. maybe we should solve the ones we can solve? boss: you're coming off as a quitter

Ron Moore

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Ron Moore - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #employees, #insults, #jokes, #mistake, #sales, #customers

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Ron: Hi, I'm Ron Moore. Dilbert: Heh-heh. That's funny, because if you say your last name first, you're a "Moore, Ron". Okay, now I get why you never take me on sales calls.

Hypothetical Observer

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Hypothetical Observer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #employees, #insults, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #idiot

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Dilbert: Thank you for explaining to me how to do my job, for which I am highly trained and you are not. An observer might be tempted to say only an idiot would do such a thing. Boss: Is that an insult? Dilbert: Hey, don't blame me for what a hypothetical observer says.