Haven't Submitted Paperwork Comic Strips - Page 1

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

172 Results for Haven't Submitted Paperwork

View 1 - 10 results for haven't submitted paperwork comic strips. Discover the best "Haven't Submitted Paperwork" comics from Dilbert.com.

Quarantine Wally

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Quarantine Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags avoid, business, clean, covid-19, hazmat suit, health & safety, quarantine, symptoms, wash, pandemic

View Transcript

Transcript

man in hazmat suit: you reported covid-19 symptoms, so we have to quarantine you. wally: i don't have symptoms. i just said i did to avoid a meeting. man in hazmat suit: well, you probably have it now. i haven't washed this hazmat suit in five months.

Authority On Your Opinion

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Authority On Your Opinion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, disagreements, Opinion, sarcasm, change, debate, authority, hallucinating, lying, stupid, gaslight, insult, face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

co-worker: why have you changed your opinion since last week? dilbert: i haven't changed my opinion. co-worker: no, it was different last week. dilbert: are we really debating which one of us is a better authority on my opinion? co-worker: you might be lying about not changing your opinion. dilbert: and you might be hallucinating or lying or just stupid. co-worker: you might be trying to gaslight me right now. i'm glad we can have these honest talks. dilbert: i hope you plunge to your death in a freak elevator accident.

No Raise In Years

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
No Raise In Years   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, job, raise, nine, years, face mask, employment

View Transcript

Transcript

office worker: i've been working here for nine years, and you haven't given me a single raise! boss: i didn't even know you worked for me. obviously, you didn't do anything useful, or i would have noticed. office worker: well, in that case, i'm glad i didn't give my name.

One Source Of Stress

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
One Source Of Stress - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, work at home, human, contact, stress, co-workers, bored, print, money

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert thinking: i've had no human contact for months. i wasn't expecting to enjoy it so much. my love life was already a barren wasteland. and avoiding my co-workers is always good. i haven't been stressed, tired, or bored in weeks. i only have one remaining source of stress in my life. dilbert sitting on couch with dogbert dogbert: i'm printing money in the basement. dilbert: there it is.

No Human Contact

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
No Human Contact - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags home, human, contact, self isolation, quarantine, coronavirus, health, oxytocin, lonely

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert at home: i haven't had any human contact for months. dilbert wearing face mask sitting on couch with dogbert: people need physical contact to keep their oxytocin at healthy levels. dogbert: get away from me. dilbert: maybe if we both close our eyes.

Social Distancing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Social Distancing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, eighties, health, hug, managers & supervisors, practice, social distancing, virus, coronavirus

View Transcript

Transcript

boss with face mask: wally, i need you to practice "social distancing" until the virus risk has passed. wally: i already do that. i haven't hugged anyone since the eighties. boss: good job. high-five. wally: back off.

No Time Before Next Meeting

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
No Time Before Next Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business, care, co-workers, hate, job, lesson, meeting, nonesence, procrastinate, reality, report, stupid, technical, technology, time

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert thinking: that meeting ran long, so now i have ten minutes before the next one. i'm suppose to bring a complete technical report, and i haven't even started it. i hate this stupid job! dilbert still thinking but showing signs of distress: i hate my boss! i hate my stupid co-workers! dilbert yelling: i don't care about anything anymore! dilbert thinking and typing on laptop: i'll just angrily slap together a bunch of nonsense and call it good. grrrrrr!!! in conference room. boss: this is your bet report ever. dilbert yelling: what? dilbert at home with dogbert: today i learned a dangerous lesson about reality.

Mandatory Blockchain Class

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Mandatory Blockchain Class - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, technology, class, mandatory, blockchain, introductory, experienced, developer, instructor, phone call

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: you haven't completed the mandatory class on blockchain. dilbert: that's an introductory class. i'm already an experienced blockchain developer. boss: the class is mandatory. every developer needs to check the box. dilbert: just check the box for me. boss: only the instructor can do that. and i don't want to call him because he rambles on and on. dilbert looking distressed: you want me to take a two-day class so you won't have to make a phone call? boss: i knew you'd understand. dilbert: what if taking the class causes me to miss my deadlines? boss: no problem. i'll just cancel your bonus.

Knowing What Wally Does

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Knowing What Wally Does - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, performance, review, job, projects, expectations, heuristics

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i can't give you a good performance review because you haven't performed up to expectations. wally: do you even know what my job is? boss: of course i do. you're an engineer. wally: yes, but do you know what projects i'm working on? boss: well, various things, and some miscellaneous things too. wally: how can you determine my job performance when you don't know what my job is? boss: have you heard of heuristics? you're bad at everything i've observed, so i assume you are bad at everything else as well. wally: you should have started with that.

Unconscious Bias

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Unconscious Bias - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags obliviousness, office workers, racism, training, bias

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: You haven't completed the mandatory training on unconscious bias. Dilbert: I'm not biased. Carol: Maybe you are when you are not conscious. Dilbert: I'm a bigot in my sleep? Carol: And you look like a drooler.