Hiring Engineers Comic Strips - Page 1

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

287 Results for Hiring Engineers

View 1 - 10 results for hiring engineers comic strips. Discover the best "Hiring Engineers" comics from Dilbert.com.

Hiring Evil Employees

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring Evil Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Not The Smartest

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Not The Smartest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #engineers, #smart, #iterate, #technology, #leadership, #incompetence, #excellence, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: we might not have the smartest engineers, but we can iterate faster than anyone. dilbert: actually, we do have the smartest engineers, but your leadership incompetence cancels out our excellence. dilbert: and i'll bet you don't know what "iterate" means. boss: i didn't think it would matter.

Destroy The Competition

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Destroy The Competition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #destroy, #competition, #approve, #violence, #figure of speech, #engineers, #literal, #competitors, #beat, #sticks, #sarcasm, #incite, #figurative, #speech

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: we need to destroy our competition! dilbert: i don't approve of violence. boss: i didn't say anything about violence. dilbert: you said "destroy" them. i don't see how that could mean anything else. boss: it was just a figure of speech. dilbert waving arms: we're engineers! you can't use figurative speech with us. we take things literally. so, what exactly is it you want us to do with our competitors? boss: beat them! dilbert: with sticks?

Height Advantage

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Height Advantage - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company, #employement, #fired, #height, #hiring, #managers & supervisors, #pay cut, #short, #tall, #video conferencing, #zoom

View Transcript

Transcript

boss video conferencing with carl: carl, i hired you because you are tall, but now it doesn't matter because everyone looks the same height on zoom. your height advantage has disappeared, so today will be your last day with the company. carl: maybe instead you could cut my pay to the same level as short people. boss: that just might work.

Robots Will Sneak Up On Us

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robots Will Sneak Up On Us - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argue, #business, #employees, #enginners, #managers & supervisors, #replace, #robots, #technology, #train

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: we aren't yet ready to replace engineers with robots, but that day will sneak up on us. so i'd like all of you to train a robot to do your jobs, just so we are ready. dilbert: you want us to train our own replacements? boss thinking: this is another thing a robot would not argue about.

The Secret To Managing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Secret To Managing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #manager, #hire, #people, #smart, #steal, #success, #rumor, #job

View Transcript

Transcript

boss to catbert: the secret to being a great manager is hiring people who are smarter than you are. then you have to take credit for their successes so they don't take your job. i also find it helpful to start rumors that they steal.

Hiring Morons And Ted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring Morons And Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #labor, #market, #hire, #moron, #position, #ted talk, #video, #smart

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: the labor market is so tight that i had to hire a moron just to fill a position. my plan is to make him watch ted talk videos until he smartens up. dilbert: how many will it take? boss: with any luck, fifteen to seventeen will get it done.

Hiring Morons

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring Morons - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #technology, #business, #technical, #job, #market, #hire, #moron, #critical

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: the job market is so hot right now that we can only afford to hire morons. dilbert: how will we fill our critical technical jobs? boss: i just told you.

Finding Qualified Engineers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Finding Qualified Engineers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #interview, #questions, #job market, #engineers, #baker, #mortuary, #assistant

View Transcript

Transcript

interview boss: it's hard to find qualified engineers in this job market, so i'm casting a wider net. it says here you have experience as a mortuary assistant and baker. that's not exactly like being an engineer, but i want to stay open-minded. tell me about a time you had to deal with failure and what you did about it. interviewee: well, one time i totally botched an embalming. so i used a chainsaw to reduce the corpse to flushable parts. i told the family he came back to life and ran away. boss: okay. and why did you become a baker? interviewee: so i cold eat my mistakes.

Master Engineer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Master Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #Promotion, #master, #senior, #engineer, #more, #pay, #platinum, #optimism

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i'm promoting you to the position of "master engineer." dilbert: i'm already senior engineer. boss: now you're a master engineer. with all the rights and responsibilities that come with it. dilbert: such as...? boss: well, for example, you can do more kinds of work. dilbert: for more pay? boss: no. no. no! you're thinking of "platinum level" engineers. you're not on of those. dilbert: that comes next?! boss: optimism is not an attractive quality.