Hit Man Comic Strips - Page 1

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Hit Man

View 1 - 10 results for hit man comic strips. Discover the best "Hit Man" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Has Higher Income

Thank you for voting.
Wally Has Higher Income - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2019's comic on:


Tags #lying, #managers & supervisors, #money, #office workers, #bribe, #salary

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Now that I'm the boss's new pet employee, my income is higher than ever. Dilbert: I didn't realize it came with a raise. Wally: It's more of an indirect thing. Man: I'll give you $100 to tell the boss good things about me. Wally: My price for lying is $200.

The Bad Analogy Guy

Thank you for voting.
The Bad Analogy Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 2019's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #office workers, #sarcasm, #war

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: This meeting reminds me of the sixth elbonian revolution. Therefore, logically, this meeting will end with bayonets. Asok: What's wrong with you? Man: Can I borrow your pen?

Bad Analogy Guy Fits In

Thank you for voting.
Bad Analogy Guy Fits In - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 2019's comic on:


Tags #employees, #insults, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Hi. I'm the bad analogy guy. I can't tell the difference between thinking and simply being reminded of unrelated things. Wally: You'll fit in well here. Man: You dress like a liar.

Hiring A Bad Analogy Guy

Thank you for voting.
Hiring A Bad Analogy Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2019's comic on:


Tags #office, #office workers, #questions, #sarcasm, #arrogance

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired a bad analogy guy. Instead of giving reasons for his opinions, he asks ridiculous questions while acting arrogant. Dilbert: That doesn't seem useful. Man: Would you say that about oxygen?

Poor Communication Skills

Thank you for voting.
Poor Communication Skills - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 08, 2019's comic on:


Tags #communication, #employees, #office, #office workers, #questions, #projects

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Would you like to be on my project team? Dilbert: Hard pass. Your communication skills are so poor that the project is doomed to failure. Man: I meant to say your boss already assigned you to my project. Dilbert: We're off to a good start.

Circular Debating

Thank you for voting.
Circular Debating - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2019's comic on:


Tags #argument, #debates, #frustration, #moon, #conspiracy

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Thanks to my new circular debating technique. I haven't lost a debate in weeks. Watch this. The moon landing was a hoax. Man: No, it wasn't. Wally: The flag was moving in the wind. Man: I'll send you a link debunking the flag thing. Wally: Okay, but how do you explain the multiple light sources? Man: Here's another link debunking that claim. Fifteen minutes later Man: I have now debunked all ten of your ridiculous claims will you agree the moon landing was real? Wally: How do you explain the flag moving? Man: Gaaaa!!! I give up!! You win!!!

Housing Costs

Thank you for voting.
Housing Costs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 2019's comic on:


Tags #cost, #discussion, #homeless persons, #house

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Housing costs are so high that I had to move into a restroom stall. Man: I live in the park under a pile of wet cardboard. Asok: Have you tried a stall? Man: No, I'm too outdoorsy for that.

Read It With My Own Eyes

Thank you for voting.
Read It With My Own Eyes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 2019's comic on:


Tags #argument, #communication, #email, #frustrated, #office, #office workers, #plans

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I disagree with your email saying the plan won't work. Dilbert: My email said exactly the opposite. I said the plan will definitely work. Man: No, I read it with my own eyes. Dilbert: I'm the one who wrote it!!!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2019's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #Food, #friends, #office, #office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I'm a foodie. Are you foodie too? Dilbert: I think of food as fuel. Man: But you enjoy eating good food, right? Dilbert: I try to avoid food that tastes good. That way, I won't overeat. I usually just check my plate for any stray bandages, and that's about it. If my food passes that test, I shovel it toward my mouth while reading stuff on my phone. Man: I don't think I can be your friend. Dilbert: That worked out better than I hoped.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2019's comic on:


Tags #argument, #debates, #frustration, #office workers, #evidence

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: ...And that's what I think about the issue. Dilbert: Here's a Youtube video proving that everything you believe is wrong. Notice this isn't just an opinion. It is a video of the entire event you just claimed did not happen. I'm sending you a link to ten media stories debunking your version of events. Having now proved how wrong you are. Would you like to retract everything you said about it? Man: Why can't you admit when you are wrong? Dilbert: Because I'm not wrong!!!