Ivy League Degree Comic Strips - Page 1

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

36 Results for Ivy League Degree

View 1 - 10 results for ivy league degree comic strips. Discover the best "Ivy League Degree" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #business, #criticism, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I'm thinking of getting a degree in business and moving onto the management track. Is it fun being a boss? Boss: It's the best! I haven't done anything hard since the day I got this job. I mostly just criticize idiots all day long. It's as if the company is paying me to do my hobby. Speaking of pay, my salary is about triple your pay. Asok: Is there any downside? Boss: I had a lot of guilt at first. Asok: It must have been awful. Boss: Yes, it was the longest ten minutes of my life.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 29, 2014's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #poor mangement, #missed gaols, #360 review, #doing great, #menat to say, #back pedal

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You missed all of your goals. Dilbert: Because of poor management. I'll go into more detail when I do my 360-degree review of you. Boss: I meant to say you're doing great. Dilbert: That's what I meant to say too.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 2012's comic on:


Tags #ventriloquism, #discrepancy, #resume, #degree in engineering, #certification in puppetry, #diploma and bait shop

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: One of our major investors found a discrepancy on your resume. You claim to have a degree in engineering, but in reality you have a certification in puppetry from a place called... Evelyn's Diploma and Bait Shop. CEO: The board has faith in our CEO.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2012's comic on:


Tags #carbon dioxide, #exhales endangered species, #fabrications, #harbard, #higgs boson particle, #licorice and flashlight, #national football league, #no bragging rights, #no kids, #training for olympics

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: My daughter is training for the Olympics. My son is going to Harvard. Dilbert: I have no spawn of my own, so I claim the right to name a proxy to brag on my behalf. Topper, I need you. Topper: OF course you do. My daughter discovered the Higgs boson particle using nothing but licorice and a flashlight. My son inhales carbon dioxide and exhales endangered species while playing in the National Football League. Coworker: This isn't fair! You can't just make up stuff! Topper: According to the president of the International Society of Boasters, fabrications are acceptable. Coworker: I'd like to talk to that guy. Topper: You're looking at him. Dilbert: I win.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 2011's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #lawyer, #feels wrong, #research, #harvard law degree, #feelingl, #greasy food and ignorance, #data, #harvard degree over cheeseburger, #bad mood, #science, #legal

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: This doesn't feel right. Dilbert: It came straight from our lawyer. Boss: It just feels wrong. Can you research it a little more? Dilbert: Sure. I can do that research in my head. Let's see... our lawyer got his degree at Harvard and has twenty years in this exact field. Whereas you have a "feeling" that is probably the result of an unholy combination of greasy food and ignorance. The data clearly favors the Harvard Law degree over the cheeseburger. ... Good luck. He's in a bad mood.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 2009's comic on:


Tags #violence, #punching, #pain, #meeting, #angry, #economy, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says, "I hear you have an MBA, just like the jerks who ruined the economy." Alice says, "I'm going to punch you so hard that it hurts everyone who has the same degree." Dilbert says, "What as that hideous noise?" Man says, "Ow!!!!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 12, 2008's comic on:


Tags #masters degree, #business, #promoted to management, #less useful, #3 years, #night classes, #rock

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I'm thinking about getting a master's degree in business so I can get promoted to management." Dogbert says, "How long does it take to learn how to be less useful?" Dilbert says, "Three years of night classes." Dogbert says, "Hold still and I'll save you three years."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2007's comic on:


Tags #useless, #mit degree, #engineering, #easier, #raise

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: "I don't understand anything you do, so I assume it's all useless." Dilbert: "Maybe you could go to M.I.T. and get a degree in engineering so you would understand what I do." The boss: "Would that be easier than not giving you a raise?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 2007's comic on:


Tags #career counselor, #flower arranging, #billionaire, #work hard, #defeat purpose, #no work, #doesn't want to work

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert, career counselor "What would you like to do with your degree in...flower arranging?" "I'd like to be a billionaire." "Are you willing to work hard?" "That would sort of defeat the purpose."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"I don't like to judge people by their looks, but I'm going to make an exception for you." "Something tells me that you and I will be butting heads." "I have a degree in marketing." "Why aren't your lips moving?"