Keep Him Away Comic Strips - Page 1

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

833 Results for Keep Him Away

View 1 - 10 results for keep him away comic strips. Discover the best "Keep Him Away" comics from Dilbert.com.

Keep The Plastic Bag

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Keep The Plastic Bag - Dilbert by Scott Adams
View more books now

Insults By Email

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Insults By Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, communication, office workers, insult, email, comfortable, belittle, Opinion, move away, sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i feel a deep need to belittle your opinion, but it would be awkward doing it in person. would you mind moving away from me so i can email you my insult? dilbert in hall by himself. dilbert: a little more....

Elbonian Hackers Attack

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonian Hackers Attack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, elbonian, hackers, attack, stole, database, ranking, employee, haircuts, sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: elbonian hackers stole our employee performance ranking database, and now they demand a ransom payment to give it back. boss: they can keep it. we've been ranking employees solely on their haircuts for years, and no one has complained yet. dilbert: what? boss walking away: we will speak of this no more.

Marrying An Elbonian

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Marrying An Elbonian - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, elbonia, accusations, marriage, plan, job, name, sarcasm, bigot

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert and dogbert on couch at home. dilbert: people at work accused me of being bigoted against elbonian men, so i'm marrying one to prove them wrong and keep my job. dogbert: what's his name? dilbert: i think it's something like gluppfril or breemf. dogbert: sounds like a solid plan.

Bookshelves On Zoom

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bookshelves On Zoom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, update, video call, zoom, client, lost, respect, staged, bookshelves, money, payment, deserve, background

View Transcript

Transcript

boss and alice on video call. boss: how did your zoom call with the client work out? alice: i lost all respect for him after seeing his poorly staged bookshelves in the background. but we'll still take his money, right? alice: yes, he doesn't deserve to keep any of it.

Nickname For Dilbert

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Nickname For Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, ceo, nickname, geek, insult, business, odds, name, actual

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: i came up with a nickname for you because you're such a geek. ceo points at dilbert. "dilbert." dilbert: that's my actual name. ceo walking away thinking: what were the odds of that?

Cameras Can See You

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cameras Can See You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, technology, hackers, camera, digital device, skills, detection, performance, review, minutes, laptop, coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

boss and wally on video call. wally: did you know hackers can see you and hear you through the cameras on your digital devices? in fact, someone with my skills could do it in minutes and never be detected. boss: what are you trying to tell me? wally: it's just something to keep in mind when you do my performance review.

Talking During Zoom Call

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Talking During Zoom Call - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, background, business, call, competition, stop, technology, video conference call, zoom, video call

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert yelling: dogbert! can you keep down the noise while i'm on zoom! dogbert standing on chair: i'm on a zoom call too. your call isn't more important than mine! dilbert speaking to his laptop: sorry, i can't stop the background noise. dogbert yelling from another room: can you keep it down in there? i'm on a zoom call.

Recurring Charges

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Recurring Charges - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, cancel, online, charges, information, automated phone system, contact, website, microphone

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert at home: i'm going to try to cancel some recurring online charges today. wish me luck. dogbert: what resistance are you expecting? dilbert: obviously, they hide their contact information, so i allocated two hours to find the right phone number. it should take about an hour to navigate their automated phone system that will keep sending me to the wrong place. if i reach a human, he'll try to divert me to their website to cancel, which i already know won't work because... ...i won't be able to find my account in their system for reasons no one will ever be able to explain. and of course, their phone support person will be using a headset microphone that garbles his already mumbled words. dogbert: but if you stick with it, you will eventually succeed? dilbert: i don't know were you got that idea.

Assigning Dilbert To Project

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Assigning Dilbert To Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, network, redesign, project, phase, positive, optimistic, assign, sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: dilbert, i'm assigning you to the network redesign project. dilbert: what phase is that project in? is it in the initial stage, in which everyone is feeling positive and optimistic? or is it in the middle phase, in which everyone is finding away and hating the other team members? boss: it's in the death spiral phase. everyone is trying to assign blame to someone they already hate. they requested that i add you to the team. dilbert: to save the project? boss: um...okay, sure.