Low Expectations Comic Strips - Page 1

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204 Results for Low Expectations

View 1 - 10 results for low expectations comic strips. Discover the best "Low Expectations" comics from Dilbert.com.

Should Have Done It Sooner

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Should Have Done It Sooner - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #dollars, #failure, #managers & supervisors, #patch, #payroll, #problem, #raise, #savings, #software, #technology, #years

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dilbert: i wrote a software patch that will save three million dollars per year. i feel as if i deserve a bonus or a raise. boss: when did you do it? dilbert: this week. boss: how long did we have the problem? dilbert: five years. boss: then you should have fixed it five years ago. looks like a gigantic failure to me. you should be ashamed of yourself. in another room catbert: did you try my strategy for keeping payroll expenses low? boss: works like magic.

Face Mask Assissination

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Face Mask Assissination - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2020's comic on:


Tags #health & safety, #office workers, #suspicion, #pandemic, #virus, #risk

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Carol: I think we should seriously consider ending the face mask policy. Boss: You know I'm in a high-risk group, and you are in a low-risk group. Are you trying to assassinate me? Carol: You can't prove that. Boss: I was hoping for something closer to a denial.

Carol Hoards

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Carol Hoards - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #health, #office supplies, #copy paper, #hoarding, #shortage, #coronavirus

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dilbert wearing face mask: we're running low on copier paper. carol wearing face mask: i know. i hoarded it all at my house when someone said we might have a shortage. dilbert: can you bring some of it back? carol: that would defeat the point of hoarding.

Dogbert Designs Headphones

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Dogbert Designs Headphones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2020's comic on:


Tags #design, #business, #headphones, #maximum, #customer, #annoyance, #charging, #port, #guess, #incorrect, #frustration, #fit, #customers, #ship, #user

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dogbert: i've designed these over-ear headphones for maximum customer annoyance. the charging port is only on one side, so the user has a fifty percent chance of guessing wrong. and the charger only fits if you put it right-side up. to increase the frustration, i made the plug look the same on both sides. best of all, the plug is so poorly designed that half the time it doesn't seem to fit, even when you put it in correctly. i made the headphones black, so you can't easily find the charger hole in low light. ninety percent of users will be cursing us every time they try to recharge. customers won't know any of this until after they purchase. boss: ship it.

Transfer Money To The Rich

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Transfer Money To The Rich - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 2020's comic on:


Tags #computer, #technology, #cloud, #social, #change, #transfer, #money, #low-income, #rich, #wrong, #efficient

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dogbert at laptop: now that i'm managing the cloud, it's time to make some social changes. i'll transfer any remaining money from low-income people to the rich. dilbert in bath robe: that feels wrong. dogbert: i'm just adding efficiently to the inevitable.

Expecting Excellence

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 Expecting Excellence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #technology, #happiness, #expectations, #coffee, #dysfunction, #excellence

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wally: asok, he key to happiness is lowering your expectations. for example, all i expect from work today is twelve cups of coffee and a humorous display of corporate dysfunction. asok: that sounds sad. wally: try expecting excellence and see how that works for you.

Knowing What Wally Does

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Knowing What Wally Does - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #performance, #review, #job, #projects, #expectations, #heuristics

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boss: i can't give you a good performance review because you haven't performed up to expectations. wally: do you even know what my job is? boss: of course i do. you're an engineer. wally: yes, but do you know what projects i'm working on? boss: well, various things, and some miscellaneous things too. wally: how can you determine my job performance when you don't know what my job is? boss: have you heard of heuristics? you're bad at everything i've observed, so i assume you are bad at everything else as well. wally: you should have started with that.

Low Self Esteem

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Low Self Esteem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2020's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #sarcasm, #business, #self esteem

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tina: i have low self-esteem, but the other day i was thinking... what if i'm actually great and i just don't know it? dilbert looking at phone: you're not.

Asok Lives In The Office

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Asok Lives In The Office - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #cost, #criticism, #house, #office, #office workers, #expectations

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Boss: All of you should be more like Asok. He is in the office before I arrive and still here when I go home. Asok: That is because housing costs are so high that I live here in the office and sleep in a bathroom stall. Boss: That still leaves a lot of stalls for the rest of you.

Your Quote Is High

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Your Quote Is High - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #computer software, #office, #sales, #sales personnel, #quote

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dilbert: your quote is a bit high. can you do it cheaper? salesman: yes, we offer a low-cost option that involves me talking about the software, but you can't have it. dilbert: what would be the point of that? salesman: you're the one who brought it up.