Make Small Talk Comic Strips - Page 1

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Make Small Talk

View 1 - 10 results for make small talk comic strips. Discover the best "Make Small Talk" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ted Talks Make You Smarter

Thank you for voting.
Ted Talks Make You Smarter - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 26, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #moron, #new hire, #smart, #ted talk, #binge-watch

View Transcript

Transcript

new hire: i used to be a moron, but then i binge-watched seventeen ted talks on youtube. now i'm the smartest person in the room. wally: should we do something about this? dilbert: i don't know. i've only watched six ted talks.

Hiring Morons And Ted

Thank you for voting.
Hiring Morons And Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 25, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #labor, #market, #hire, #moron, #position, #ted talk, #video, #smart

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: the labor market is so tight that i had to hire a moron just to fill a position. my plan is to make him watch ted talk videos until he smartens up. dilbert: how many will it take? boss: with any luck, fifteen to seventeen will get it done.

Time Stands Still

Thank you for voting.
Time Stands Still - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 22, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #technology, #phone, #search, #time, #bored, #Win, #still

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: i discovered a way to make time stand still. dilbert: that isn't possible. dogbert: i'll prove it. i just need to find something on my phone and show it to you. looking... looking... here it is! wait... no, that isn't it. looking... looking... dilbert distressed: gaaa! i'm so bored watching you look through your phone!!! time is standing still! you win...and i hate you. dogbert: totally worth it.

Platinum Level Service

Thank you for voting.
Platinum Level Service - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #forecasting, #future, #predict, #industry, #blame, #sell, #upsell, #platinum

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i hired you to predict the future, of our industry, but everything you say makes me sad. dogbert: don't blame me. i only predict the future. i don't make the future. unless you buy my special platinum level service. boss: nice upsell.

Mandatory Blockchain Class

Thank you for voting.
Mandatory Blockchain Class - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2020's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #technology, #class, #mandatory, #blockchain, #introductory, #experienced, #developer, #instructor, #phone call

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: you haven't completed the mandatory class on blockchain. dilbert: that's an introductory class. i'm already an experienced blockchain developer. boss: the class is mandatory. every developer needs to check the box. dilbert: just check the box for me. boss: only the instructor can do that. and i don't want to call him because he rambles on and on. dilbert looking distressed: you want me to take a two-day class so you won't have to make a phone call? boss: i knew you'd understand. dilbert: what if taking the class causes me to miss my deadlines? boss: no problem. i'll just cancel your bonus.

Transfer Money To The Rich

Thank you for voting.
Transfer Money To The Rich - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 2020's comic on:


Tags #computer, #technology, #cloud, #social, #change, #transfer, #money, #low-income, #rich, #wrong, #efficient

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert at laptop: now that i'm managing the cloud, it's time to make some social changes. i'll transfer any remaining money from low-income people to the rich. dilbert in bath robe: that feels wrong. dogbert: i'm just adding efficiently to the inevitable.

Selling Private Data

Thank you for voting.
Selling Private Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #job, #management, #cloud, #data, #people, #private, #information, #laugh, #market, #sell, #email, #friend

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: the only reason i took a job managing cloud data is so i could laugh at people's private information. dogbert: then i discovered a robust market for selling that kind of stuff, so it's a twofer. dilbert: we need to talk. dogbert: sure. just email your thoughts to a friend, and i'll probably read them.

Ted Can't Make It

Thank you for voting.
Ted Can't Make It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #co-workers, #meeting, #project, #absence, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: ted says he can't make it to the meeting. wally: the only reason for this meeting is so ted can tell us what he's doing on his project. dilbert: we should reschedule. boss: not so fast. i think we can salvage this. if we guess what ted might have told us, that gets us halfway there. dilbert: i don't think it does. boss: we can't know until we try. dilbert: why don't the rest of us leave, and you can stay here and guess what we would have said, too. boss thinking alone at table: ...and then dilbert would have said...

Self Actualization

Thank you for voting.
Self Actualization - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2020's comic on:


Tags #employees, #managers & supervisors, #business, #work, #talk, #listen, #self-actualized

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i work every day, and yet i am not feeling completely self-actualized. boss: what's that mean? dilbert: i don't know. it's something i heard. boss: why are we even talking about it? dilbert: because the more i talk, the less i have to listen to you.

Making World Better Place

Thank you for voting.
Making World Better Place - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2020's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #money, #meeting, #employees, #taxes, #cancer, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i don't want employees who are only working for the money. i want employees who are working to make the world a better place. dilbert: how does working here make the world a better place? half of our products cause cancer, and the other half don't work at all. wally: we don't even pay taxes. one could argue that every day we spend working here makes the planet a little bit worse. boss: is that why i never see you doing any work? wally: when did it become a crime to care about people? sheesh!