Meeting People Comic Strips - Page 1
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1000 Results for Meeting People
View 1 - 10 results for meeting people comic strips. Discover the best "Meeting People" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday January 31,
2021
Lazy People Are Efficient
Monday January 25,
2021
Customers Are Dead People
Monday November 09,
2020
No Performance Reviews
Tags #business, #employment, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #technology, #Political, #social, #opinions, #ranking, #acceptable
Transcript
boss in staff meeting: the company will no longer do performance reviews. from now on, you will be ranked on the acceptability of your political and social opinions. dilbert: do you have a list of acceptable opinions? boss: there will be no hints.
Sunday November 08,
2020
Banana Is Not An Apple
Tags #anger, #apple, #argue, #banana, #business, #doctored image, #google, #managers & supervisors, #search, #wrong
Transcript
dilbert holding out banana: i'm not hungry today. do you want my banana? boss: that's an apple. dilbert: um..no this is a banana. boss: clearly it is not. dilbert: i can't believe you are making me do a google search to prove i know what a banana is. see? those are bananas. this looks just like the photos. this is a banana. those images are doctored. dilbert yelling: there are a million banana images! they are not all doctored! boss: you know how i know you are wrong? because you never admit you are wrong. gotcha! dilbert yelling: that is not a thing!!! boss: that's exactly what all the people who are wrong say.
Saturday November 07,
2020
Coffee Productivity
Tags #technology, #business, #projects, #productive, #medical, #coffee, #lie, #medical-grade coffee
Transcript
wally in meeting with boss and dilbert: i've been highly productive since switching to medical-grade coffee. i finished all of my projects and did an excellent job on every one. boss: wow! dilbert and wally in hall after: so that stuff actually makes you more productive? wally: no, but it does make me lie better.
Wednesday November 04,
2020
Wally Hates His App
Tags #business, #technology, #application, #stop, #fix, #hate, #developers, #need, #problem solving
Transcript
wally speaking in meeting: i spent all week trying to sign into an app that stopped working for some reason. boss: but you got it to work in the end? wally: no, all i did was learn to hate the developers. boss: how do you plan to solve that? wally drinking coffee: i don't need to. it isn't an app i need.
Tuesday November 03,
2020
Boss Bluffs On Blockchain
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #blockchain, #byte, #code, #consensus, #bluff
Transcript
boss in meeting: i'm no expert on blockchain, but i think... we need to get the evm stack on the bytecode so we don't run into a consensus fork. boss to ted: did that mean anything? ted: don't ask me. i'm bluffing too.
Monday November 02,
2020
Boss Ear Piece
Tags #answers, #blockchain, #business, #ear piece, #evil, #ignorance, #managers & supervisors, #smart, #technology
Transcript
boss: later i have a meeting about blockchain and i don't understand anything about it. i'll be wearing this earpiece, and i want you to feed me smart lines. dilbert at home talking to dogbert: do you want to do something evil? dogbert: say no more. give me that.
Tuesday October 20,
2020
Quarantine Wally
Tags #avoid, #business, #clean, #covid-19, #hazmat suit, #health & safety, #quarantine, #symptoms, #wash, #pandemic
Transcript
man in hazmat suit: you reported covid-19 symptoms, so we have to quarantine you. wally: i don't have symptoms. i just said i did to avoid a meeting. man in hazmat suit: well, you probably have it now. i haven't washed this hazmat suit in five months.
Monday October 19,
2020
Training Kicked In
Tags #bathroom, #boring, #business, #face mask, #meeting, #sarcasm, #technology, #training, #coffee
Transcript
wally: that slide deck in yesterday's meeting was lethally boring. luckily, all of my training kicked in. dilbert: and that training taught you to...? wally: go to the bathroom and never return.