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dilbert holding out banana: i'm not hungry today. do you want my banana? boss: that's an apple. dilbert: um..no this is a banana. boss: clearly it is not. dilbert: i can't believe you are making me do a google search to prove i know what a banana is. see? those are bananas. this looks just like the photos. this is a banana. those images are doctored. dilbert yelling: there are a million banana images! they are not all doctored! boss: you know how i know you are wrong? because you never admit you are wrong. gotcha! dilbert yelling: that is not a thing!!! boss: that's exactly what all the people who are wrong say.
wally with coffee: i've had a lot of side effects since i switched to medical-grade coffee. on the plus side, i can see through plywood, and i no longer need a tool to open jars. dilbert: you couldn't open jars before? wally: let's not dwell on that point.
wally speaking in meeting: i spent all week trying to sign into an app that stopped working for some reason. boss: but you got it to work in the end? wally: no, all i did was learn to hate the developers. boss: how do you plan to solve that? wally drinking coffee: i don't need to. it isn't an app i need.
boss in meeting: i'm no expert on blockchain, but i think... we need to get the evm stack on the bytecode so we don't run into a consensus fork. boss to ted: did that mean anything? ted: don't ask me. i'm bluffing too.
tina: the dunning-kruger effect is strong in you. dilbert: technically, you can't know if i am suffering from it or if you only think i am because you have it. tina: only a narcissist talks that way. dilbert: i feel as if i have no path to glory here.
dilbert: i have a feeling you are doing something wrong, but i don't know what. do you mind if i watch over your shoulder and look for mistakes as you make them? coworker: you don't have friends, do you? dilbert: i like to travel light.
carol: our space division asked if you would accept the honor of being their first astronaut to mars. boss: i didn't know they had even tested it for safety yet. carol: he asked too many questions.
dilbert: i'm getting addicted to hand sanitizer. it started with my hands, but over time, i extended it up to my forearms, then behind my ears, and it just kept going. dilbert: want a squirt? alice: i don't know where that thing has been.
wally: how long should i wait before responding to a text message from my boss? dilbert: that depends. are you already overworked? wally: um, sure. dilbert: do you need to teach him a lesson for any unrelated things he did? wally: always. dilbert: do you dislike him in general? wally: yes. dilbert: lastly, how many months until your next performance review? wally: seven. dilbert: okay....putting those inputs into my spreadsheet. you can wait 27 minutes before responding. wally: oh. i was hoping it would be closer to five days. dilbert: when did he text you? wally: i believe it was august.
dilbert and boss looking out office window. dilbert: protesters have surrounded our building. boss: don't worry. i put a supportive sign in the lobby so they'll know we are on their side. dilbert: update: our nine lower floors are on fire. boss: maybe i should have used a bigger sign.